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When are you expecting?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Ugh!!! Its been a few months since I was last asked the question and I had forgotten how much it hurts.
Today while touring a prospective resident at the retirement community where I work, she asked the dreaded question, "When are you expecting?" I didn't know what to say at first, so she repeated the question thinking I hadn't heard. I then politely told her I am not pregnant. I do carry a lot of weight in my stomach area, especially since my 2010 surgery it all seems to have moved to my belly. But man does it still hurt to be asked that question when you are not pregnant.

For me the question hurts in two ways. Obviously it hurts because I am so fat that people wonder if I am pregnant. It makes me wonder how many other people think I am, but never get the courage to ask. Do certain clothes make it worse than others? Other than losing the weight, what can I do to not get asked that again?

What hurts more than the weight is the fact that I would love to be pregnant and I would love to tell someone my due date. At 30 years old, I have no children and little chance of having children. I have always wanted to be a mom, but because of my weight and medical issues it has not beeen a possibility. I thought that at this point in my life I would be a stay at home mom with at least two kids and my photography business on the side. It doesn't help that my husband and I are more like roommates than husband and wife. Its been months since I have had any sort of affection from him. I have to ask for a hug because they are not given unless asked for. I kiss him and he doesn't kiss me back.
There is also the financial responsibility of having children. To be totally honest, we are broke. I work full time, plus have the photography business and yet there never seems to be enough money. Vick works around 20 hours a week, but usually less for minimum wage at the college bookstore and goes to school part time. We live in a rented house, that is more than we should be spending for housing. Then there are the other basics. So even though I would love to have a baby, it is just not the right time.

I guess hearing that question today brought up a lot of emotions. It does feel better to get it all out.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you ladies for all of your support. It really makes me feel better. The last few dys have been rough. I just can't stop crying and it feels so good to have people out there that care.
    3310 days ago
    I can relate to this. I have the same problem, I also carry a lot of weight in my belly. Sometimes when someone asks me I just make a joke, or say something to surprise them back. Like I was due a few years ago but the little bugger won't leave. But your right it is hard. Infertility sucks and having an unsupportive husband and money issues makes the battle even tougher. Just keep smiling and keep on moving forward. You will get there. emoticon
    3343 days ago
    It's going to be ok. You will be a mom. Just breathe.
    3343 days ago
  • SA2002NG
    Wish I could give you a hug... You deserve one, be a trooper emoticon
    3360 days ago
    I know how much this can hurt in all the ways you describe above. I think it was very brave of you to put all those emotions out on paper (so to speak). Lot of hugs, and keep going, this is also an emotional journey.
    3370 days ago
    I've had that question asked twice. The first time, I tried to see the humor in it, but it really motivated me to lose 20lbs. The second time, I just cried. It's terrible to hear but it is SO MOTIVATING.

    I know how you feel with your husband, I feel the same way with my fiance sometimes. But the sad truth is that the physical affection does dwindle in a long term relationship. The good news is, it's often replaced by nice things like being truly comfortable around another person. And you should ask yourself, does he show his love through other actions besides the physical? When I look hard I can tell how much my man loves me through his day to day actions, like always making me coffee in the morning, or buying me a magazine when he's out shopping. These little things remind me that he thinks about me all the time, even if he doesnt always show it the same way he did at the beginning of our relationship.

    The key is definately to talk with him and share how you're feeling. Nothing worse than something festering and breeding resentment.
    3370 days ago
    Ugh. I saw the title to this blog and cringed. Things seem pretty bad right now but they can only get better, right? Keep your head up.
    3370 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9767578
    emoticon Be kind to yourself!
    3370 days ago
  • EMKO0916
    I don't know if I could say anything to possibly make you feel better but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. If it's ANY comfort, I once saw someone ask one of my co-workers when she was due--she weighs maybe 130lbs soaking wet....

    Hang in there, chica. Keep on doing what you're doing. Always remember:

    “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
    3370 days ago
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