Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thats my nickname for my niece--the extreme sledder. Shes my
and my little angel. She's one of the biggest motivators for me on this journey. I want to be around to see her graduate, grow into the beautiful young lady I know she'll be and hopefully to see her start a family of her own someday.
She's beautiful and has a sweetness about her that brings out the best in everyone she meets. She kisses my hands and rubs lotion on my feet when my RA is flaring. She always tells me she misses me whenever we havent seen each other (usually only a few days but I love to hear it regardless). She's truly one of the happiest people I know and I love to spend time with her. My sister is great. She shares Ladybug with me as much as possible. They (my sister, my nephew and my Ladybug) usually come over and spend the weekends with me.
Ladybug came to me during a time in my life when I was at my worst. I was in an abusive relationship and my husband almost killed me. Because of the drama, we were evicted from our home. My landlord basically took everything of value--including pictures that you can't put a price on. I wasn't working at the time and was dependent upon my husbands wages, so when I left him I was beat down (literally and figuratively), broke and homeless. I went into a very deep depression and my family was worried for me. I'm not gonna lie, I did contemplate taking the "easy way out" but that's too selfish. I hadnt felt that kind of pain since I lost my mom and my brother. I just didnt want to hurt anymore. Inside and out--the stress of everything made my RA go into overdrive, along with the pain of loving someone who isnt good for you and my life in general. I had hit rock bottom.
Then she was born. She gave me a reason to wake up everyday. She gave me a reason to want to live again. Shes so beautiful, she would smile at me all the time like she already knew that we would be forever friends. Ours is a special relationship. I hate to admit it but she's my favorite niece. She has a special place in my heart because she was the one that helped heal it. She was soooo tiny as a baby. I wouldnt hold her until she was four months old because I was afraid. I know it sounds silly, but I have no children of my own so holding a little one is kinda scarey for me.
My sister would bring her by everyday and I would visit with Ladybug and pour out my feelings because I felt a comfort from her that I've never experienced before. She would listen without fussing and smile at me. I had a hard time trusting anyone at this time and rarely talked about how I was feeling. But I knew I could trust my tiny baby (my first nickname for her--I still call her "Tiny" to this day because shes so petite). I knew her love was pure and that she wasnt going to "use" me the way my husband and other people have in the past.
Fast forward a few years and we're as close as ever. It's great to be with her. She's the one who helped me become the person I am today. Shes the one who helped heal my heart. Shes the one who showed me to believe in myself. (see Extreme sledding blog) She's the reason why I spark.