It was a rough week for me with the flare up of pain I had in my back and legs. I feel like I've gone backwards this week physically.
The pain I was in made any kind of exercise impossible for me. What's worse is I got off of my exercise track from the previous week. And let me tell you I felt great the week before when I was able to get some physical activity in nearly every day. I didn't over do or over extend myself. I sustained no injuries and felt energized and confident.
Then last Sunday I woke up with pain I haven't had since October. Pain I experienced for months and was grateful for it to be gone. Last Sunday I woke up frightened that it had returned and I would be down and out for several months again.
Fortunately I already had an appointment last week with my doctor. She is a GODDESS and I appreciate what she's done for my health. We went over my labs and found I was doing okay Thyroid-wise but needed to go back on Vitamin D. Being off of the caffeine and sugar seems to be helping my Adrenals. My other hormones are in the process of re-balance as well.
A week later the pain is mostly a memory, with a few twinges to remind me that I'm still a bit fragile. I didn't exercise this morning but I'm starting the 28-Day Bootcamp challenge later this afternoon. I'm going to do two days on, one day cross-train similar to the instructions. I found a great Rodney Yee AM Yoga series that I'll use along with the workout DVD's I have at home.
I dropped my gym membership, knowing I wasn't going to use it again. I found myself not being able to relax and enjoy the facility. The loud music was irritating to me. The other issue I discovered was all of the mirrors around me had a strange affect on me. I can get over the frizzy hair pulled back in a ponytail look. I can get over the baggy T-Shirt and short, stocky body. But seeing it constantly for an hour and a half 5 days a week was not motivating to me. I was picking apart everything I disliked about the way I look and beating myself up for the way I let myself go physically.
Then I would push myself too hard and not in a good way. Pushing them limit too soon when you're over 40 and packing an extra 40 pounds on your frame is a very, very bad idea. I was always injuring my legs, back and hips simply by forgetting to keep it simple in the beginning. Instead of pacing myself correctly to accommodate how physically unfit I am right now, I envisioned the fit runner I used to be and worked out like I was still the energetic 115 pound sassy pants girl.
When I got back on with SP, I knew I had to make some changes in my lifestyle. The food thing I have down. Food isn't my problem. Consistent exercise is my problem now. Thyroid disease and adrenal fatigue aren't huge motivators. Constant, underlying pain is also not a motivator. Every day is a battle for me to move. The question for me to answer is why, how, who and what makes me feel like exercising. Also why, how, who and what makes me feel the best when I'm done.
When I presented those questions to myself I realized I HATE going to the gym. When the fit woman I used to be sees the overweight, sluggish female in the mirror all she wants to do is cry. I can honestly say all of the mirrors at the gym do not motivate me (I do understand they are there for us to watch our form, posture, etc. That they do have a purpose). But for me, those mirrors are a distraction from the big picture. The level of noise is irritating and instead of feeling refreshed, relaxed and energized I end up feeling depressed, annoyed and irritable.
I have some great DVD's with instructors that motivate and don't irritate. I just bought the SP 28 Day Bootcamp DVD. I have hand weights of various sizes. I have a sculpting bar that breaks down into about 3.5lb weights. I have a toning (medicine) ball of 4 pounds. I have two yoga and one Pilates DVD. I have a fitness mat and a yoga mat.
When I use my various DVD's and equipment at home, afterward I first feel energized, relaxed, happy and hopeful. What was I thinking when I joined the gym?? I can work out in my own home. I don't have to go out into the cold. I can throw on the workout duds I keep by my bed, go downstairs, pop in a DVD and get a great workout. These are all things I noticed over a week ago when I starting doing something physical nearly every day.
I'm trying very hard to keep my chin up. Every day is a tough journey for me and I need to have the guts to see this through.
That's enough soul searching for a Sunday morning. Over and out.