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The Parents, Part 2

Sunday, February 12, 2012

My parents are fine, they have to leave for MN on Tuesday.

TC's parents are the ongoing saga. His three siblings had an "intervention" with his parents yesterday to discuss their imminent move to an Assisted Living facility.

Of course the loss of $17,000 was the catalyst for this conversation, but trust me, it's been coming for a long time. During the three hours the siblings were there the story about the money changed multiple times:

It wasn't $17,000, it was $1,700.
They found it, it was in the mailbox.
They found it, it was stuck in the car door.

So who knows for sure? No one saw the money, no one saw a withdrawal slip. Everyone agrees they could have minimized the amount to forestall the talk about moving out of their house.

What we DO know is that his parents have signed over their house to one family member who also has his/her name on a six-figure bank account. This family member continues to play the "poor me" card, resulting in lots of cash being handed over. We've known that for a long time but it's always been relatively small amounts --- $100 here, $1,000 there. Because of all the subterfuge about this recent event we now suspect the $17,000 (which was the original amount mentioned in the first panicky phone call) was intended for this family member.

While TC's parents are entitled to do whatever they want with their money, the bottom line is that they are NOT rich and may very well need this money for themselves!

TC's mother has dementia and cannot stay alone. PERIOD. Her mother, TC's grandmother, died at the age of 105, so it's very possible that TC's mom could live as long or even longer!

As you can imagine the "intervention" went pretty poorly. There was a lot of crying and people being told to mind their own business. I'm sure they will handle this like they do everything else: wait until it's a crisis and then react.

I'm learning a lot about how I do NOT want to be when I get old!

Well, that's where we are now. I'm hanging tough with my diet and exercise and lost another half pound. I never thought I'd be thrilled about HALF POUNDS but they do add up!

Have an awesome Sunday, everyone!


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is a tough situation...I feel for ya! We never quite expect how much care our parents will take. Best wishes for you and your family.
    3172 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6312736
    Wishing you the best for your parents, your in-laws, and you -- it's stressful for everyone involved. Been there, done that, assisted living is a mixed blessing at best. Even when it is the right thing to do, there will always be ruffled feathers.

    Hang in there, and know we're here for you.

    3172 days ago
    1/2 lbs absolutely add up! emoticon

    Sorry to hear that TC's parent drama continues. Maybe they'll think about what was said and come to the conclusion on their own that they need to be at an assisted living place. Are there many in their area? Is it possible to take them on a little "field trip" and show them what it's like?
    3172 days ago
  • NANCY-
    Lost a 1/2 pound with all this stress... You are amazing!!! It is good that you and TC have each other in these trying times. I do like BLW's idea of taking out frustration on your dreadmill.

    Huge hugs to you and TC. You both certainly have your hands full dealing with the parental concerns.

    BTW I do not go by servings in the E2 recipes... as some of them can be way off. Usually a portion size of a casserole or pasta dish is around one to one and a half cups. Hope this helps.

    3172 days ago
    We are in the exact same position in regard to learning what not to do and be. I hope we can stick to it. I agree with Elizabeth, conversations need to happen early. My husband and I are trying to do that.
    Thank you for sharing,
    3173 days ago
    Half a pound is GREAT! Keep giving yourself CREDIT! Especially with all of the extra craziness you are dealing with. Sometimes I wonder if I am the craziness others are "dealing with."
    3173 days ago
  • IILAAD65
    GREAT job with the 1/2 lbs!

    And as with TC's parents - life has a way of working itself out. The $$ is the sad part. There are always those that will just TAKE when it's not their s to take!

    Stay strong... and believe it will work out.

    Long walks do help your mind work things through clearly...


    10K Leader
    3173 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/12/2012 4:49:12 PM
    This sounds like a very difficult situation . . . with potential for more difficult times to come.

    Would a capacity assessment be appropriate? With the assessor considering the potential for duress/coercion?
    3173 days ago
    It is especially difficult when one or more siblings are self serving and emotionally draining. So much damage can be done. A guardian or conservator might be a good option but probably not welcomed my Mom and Dad. Sigh.

    The time to think about all of this is on the treadmill. You'll get walking pretty darned fast as your frustration gets worked out via your feet. Don't burn up the belt, hang in there TG. At least the other parent figures took their break and are on their way back to MN.
    3173 days ago
    This is a very, very hard time of life for many people.
    We all need to have these difficult conversations before we reach the stage of not being able to participate fully.
    My dear mother realized that and planned accordingly.
    My dad did not and it made for some nasty times after his death.
    Most of us no longer see or talk to his second wife (of 25 years).

    3173 days ago
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