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Not Looking Forward to Wedding

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Warning: This may be a bit of a downer.

Title may be a bit misleading. I'm looking forward to marrying, but I am not excited about the "wedding".

I know lots of friends who have dreamed of 'big wedding' and their wedding day since they were little girls. Not me.

I hate the spotlight and being the center of attention, and a wedding is exactly that.

I would have been happy to have just gone to a judge and had a nice honeymoon. I didn't need all this hoopla. If we didn't have people who already invested in traveling, I wish we could just cancel and do that.

The strange thing is, I think my fiance is the one that cares more about it. He says a wedding is a celebration and sharing with friends and family.

I wish I could see it that way. But since we have to do a destination wedding since we are scattered all over, the attending pool is very small. So I'm like, what's the point of going through all the time and expense? And now I have the extra burden of trying to figure out how to make sure the few people who are coming have a good time. Party organization and entertainment isn't something I'm very good at.

To be honest, I just want it over with. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Can he help plan and organize it?
    3237 days ago
  • JR0124
    I was SO nervous on our wedding day that during the vow portion I was shaking at the end of the aisle and didn't let myself enjoy it. I wish I had relaxed because you are there with family and friends. Thinking back, if they are truly special enough to be there with me then they shouldn't judge me. If they do - I don't need them in my life anyway. They can take their judgy butt and get out of my life. I only want people who will celebrate with me.
    3237 days ago
    I do understand where you are coming from. I think that it is wonderful that you have the attitude "I'm looking forward to marrying, but I am not excited about the "wedding". " In my opinion too many people marrying are so wrapped up in the wedding preparations they kind of forget that there is life afterwards! I have had two weddings. The first and most stupidest was the big one in the white pouffy dress in the big church with the expensive wedding reception. Clearly...since I have had two weddings...no matter how great a party that one was and how much ceremony was involved the MARRIAGE was not a good one and did not last.

    The second one...sounds a little more like what you may be having in a way. It was my REAL wedding. It was small. We paid for it and made it our own with things that meant something to us...that represented who we are rather than what weddings are supposed to be. It was very shabby chic...with nice linens over picnic tables at a lake in Northern MN. I wore an Ebay vintage gown, shoes and hat. My bouquet was edible...my dog gave me away...things like that. Of course food mattered but it was a BBQ. We did not show off our skills because it was about something else. I had 3 smallish cakes that I helped a small local bakery figure out how to make because I was being me and couldn't pick just one!

    I guess why I am writing all of this is because I really believe that you can make this your own. You are very creative and are good at thinking out of the box. Your guests will have fun just being with you and they will understand that you are not there to entertain them but rather they are there to support you and your fiance in your wedding vows. You can do this and I really believe you can have a good time at it.

    I can help you if you want. Just ask.

    3241 days ago
    The love you two have for each other should be the only thing that matters... the rest is just a formality, a formality that is completely unnecessary, but expected none the less.

    Try to change your perspective for this one time even in your life, do it out of LOVE!

    (PS... I wasn't looking forward to my wedding either. I did it once, and I'll never do it again!)
    3241 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5575543
    If you and your husband are enjoing the day, everyone else will too. Have him get involved in the planning. emoticon

    Have a great day and life together.
    3242 days ago
  • KELPIE57
    I'm with Sandie, you are only responsible for you, they've chosen to come, and I'm sure it'll all go swimingly!
    3242 days ago
    Focus on what you CAN do not what you can't. Don't consider it your responsibility to make sure anyone has a good time. If you don't enjoy the celebration give this as a gift to your future husband but let him know that it is difficult and that you would like his help and encouragement (be specific in which way). Remember that the reason people come to your wedding is because they want to see you and your husband-to-be happy together. If you feel very nervous about being the center of attention practice the ceremony in your mind to get yourself used to the situation mentally. Make sure though, that you do it in a positive relaxed setting. It may also help to watch wedding ceremonies on the internet (I'm sure you can find a lot on youtube) to get more used to the whole situation. Even watching some humorous clips where small things go wrong (which happens all the time) might help you relax about all this. If you are really worried or anxious don't hesitate talking to a counselor of some sort. It is easier than it sounds to condition yourself to relax in this kind of setting and this may help you enjoy yourself a whole lot more.
    The main thing to keep in mind is that it is indeed not about the wedding but your life together, so no matter what may not be perfect on that special day is only the first day of a long life together. emoticon emoticon
    3243 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7567060
    Ugh. I know exactly how you feel. My mother-in-law ended up planning the whole thing because we decided last minute to have it in Korea where my husband's family lives. They had to push me to get me to start walking down the aisle! They had invited hundreds of people and they were all staring at me. I got so scared that I wanted to bolt right outta there. LOL I definitely do not like being the center of attention. Even my baby shower sucked that way. It was seriously uncomfortable and not just because I was well into my 3rd trimester and felt like an enormous cow. Luckioy there weren't many people there but even then it was weird. I really wish I could've just gone to a courthouse and gotten married that way. Oh well though. Before you know it, it'll all be over. Then you'll spend a lifetime trying to forget everything that went wrong. Lol
    3243 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9136158
    emoticon I wasn't worried about the getting married that went quietly at a registers office- it was what my husband friends did to me efterwards..
    My husband was a clown with a great sense of humour.. He got bundled into a warm bus with a driver in a suit and high hat..

    I got packed into a motor cycle suit and screamed all the way to the reception on the back of a motorbike.. I was happy to be part of the occassion but the ride to the dinner was more action than I could handle..

    I was watching my life ride past my eyes and when I screamed the drive just poured on more gas.. I looked snakey at my husband most of the night and hoped the trip home was more safe and quiet lol..

    What did my husband do to his friends- something about a goat in another best friends honeymoon car- a few huge hams dumped into shopping baskets when saying hello.. Another couple of mates putting up with my husbands constant farting in a little car all the way to sweden from denmark.. School friends do this to each other lol.. These people are priests and church ministers with sense of humours lol

    Culture shock for a no name gal from New Zealand never invisioned this on my wedding day.. I had to keep a box of geese quiet someone slipped onto the back seat and when we experienced a flat tyre omg the smell in the middle of summer almost drove me nuts.. emoticon
    3243 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2012 2:56:50 PM
  • no profile photo CD4429274
    One piece of advice? Don't worry about making sure that everyone else has a good time. First, it's your wedding. You need to focus on you and your husband-to-be. Second, people will either have a good time on their own or they won't, and you can't fix that. Fun, happy people there for a good time will enjoy it no matter what, and grumpy people will complain no matter what.

    Have a good time yourself and your guests will follow your lead!
    3243 days ago
    I totally understand ! I honestly don't think I could handle the stress of planning a traditional wedding. Let alone walk down the aisle. I've always told people that whenever I do decide to get married, I'm going to Vegas and Elvis is going to officiate !


    I wouldn't want anything fancy. I'd rather use the money for a really nice honeymoon or even a down payment on a house.

    I'll admit that I do like looking at the wedding magazines. It is fun to fantasize. It's not fun to stress out.

    You need one of these....

    3243 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2012 2:39:09 PM
    I know how you feel as I was one of those who just wanted to get married without any big celebration. Needless to say, family would not hear of that so we ended up with what was called a big wedding for that time. I decided to grin and bear it and it wasn't so bad. emoticon
    3243 days ago
    I'm so with you. I absolutely refused to pay the prices on wedding dresses at retail stores. Ridiculous. I took a chance on an alternative, we'll see how it works out. I wish I could keep it low key. If we could do a local wedding, it would be one thing. But our friends and family had to invest a lot in order to travel, and so I feel a little more obligated to do something more special. I'm feeling extra anxiety about, what if they don't like the location, the resort, the hotel, etc. I guess that's not so different than other brides, though. I guess that's why they go all bridezilla - lol.
    3243 days ago
    If you try to make it a "fun" party event it may not be so bad. I just shake my head when I watch some of the wedding shows where people spend 10 grand on a dress and 50 grand on the wedding. What a waste.

    Good luck.
    3243 days ago
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