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SARAHSMILZ

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I have a confession...

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

I have a problem...a serious problem...with food.

I don't even have the guts to tell this to my husband.
I'm hoping I will get help here instead of being judged.

My husband has been gone since Sunday...Since then I have eaten an entire 9x13 pan of brownies, 2 pints of ice cream, an entire box of cookies, an entire box of little debbie brownies, a huge bag of snack mix, a small box of oreos, jack in the box for dinner, sonic for lunch, and ordered wings and cheese sticks from pizza hut to be delivered...That doesn't include the amount of soda I have consumed. Today is Wednesday...This started on Monday...That means I have eaten all of that in 3 days....3 DAYS!!! I feel horrible, sick to my stomach...Sick both physically and mentally.

I have a serious problem with binge eating and I need help.
I don't know why I did it! Most of it didn't even taste good.
My husband doesn't like fast food, sweets, or soda. He's a healthy eater and has tried to get me to be the same way. But the second he's gone (on a business trip for a week) I'm eating anything and everything I can get my hands on! Just because I know I don't have to be accountable to him.

He doesn't know that I'm a binge eater. That I've been this way since highschool. That I have spent entirely too much money on "food". If you can even call it that.

I am embarrassed and ashamed.
But I don't know how to stop!

I also have an almost 9 month old daughter and I do NOT want to be this kind of example for her! My mom is one of the reasons I am this way, and I do not want me daughter to learn this from me. :(

I plan on sitting down with my husband when he gets back and finally tell him the truth. He deserves to know and I want him to know so maybe he can help me.

I am writing this here just because I need to see it in plain site...See how much I have truly eaten...I seriously need some help.

Does anyone have any good advice or anything positive that will help me?
Thank you in Advance....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SIMPLE_TAILOR
    While I agree, that you should tell your husband, this is probably something that you are going to have to work down from. Instead of eating out for 4 meala, maybe get your pizza and wings and portion out the pizza and split the wings. Have two meals of pizza/wings and two of just pizza.

    You can do this! Let us know what we can do to help.
    3139 days ago
  • TOPS-TORTOISE
    Wow! I know how you feel because I've been there and done that. I use food to numb my feelings especially when I'm anxious, frustrated, or just bored. I have eaten a whole 8 inch chocolate cake, a family size bag of Tostitos, a 1 pound package of Velveta, 2 cans of Hormel Chili and a large jar of salsa in 2 days. I don't know how qualified I am to give you any advice. I'm trying to get things back under control myself. I lost 30 pounds last year and gained it back again. All I can do is share some strategies I have started using that you might find helpsul.

    I don't keep trigger foods in the house anymore. If they are not around I can't eat them. I take a list to the grocery store. I get items on my list and get out as quickly as I can so I'm not tempted to get a bunch of junk food. I keep foods around that I am not likely to binge on like baby carrots, apples, and oranges.

    I have made a list of healthier choices for different restaurants. If I'm out shopping and we stop somewhere to eat I am prepared. The nutrition tracker and recipe calculator on Spark People have become my best friends. I've found that I can still satisfy cravings occasionally if I plan for it. I went to Red Lobster awhile ago. That day I had a banana for breakfast and a bowl of vegetable soup for lunch. Then I thoroughly enjoyed all 1180 guilt free calories of my dinner. I even had half a slice of Key Lime Pie for dessert. I didn't go over my calorie range for the day because I had planned for it.

    One of my vulnerable times is evenings when I am alone. I tend toward mindlessly munching while watching TV. This week I tried something different. I brush my teeth after dinner instead of waiting until I go to bed. I'm less likely to eat anything because I don't want to brush again, like it would be a big chore, but somehow it seems to work like some sort of Jedi mind trick.

    I like to cut out calories wherever I can. I make lower calorie versions of recipes I like by substituting low fat ingredients like sour cream, mayonnaise, cheese, and leaner meats like ground turkey. I use the recipe calculator to determine the number of servings and calories then add it to my favorites in the nutrition tracker.

    I'm making an effort to replace old eating habits with new healthier ones. Not that I don't slip and fall back into my old habits occasionally, but when I do I get right back on track again the next day. It's not slipping up occasionally that derails you. It's when you let it turn into a week, a month, or longer.

    The key is baby steps. Keep your focus on making small changes, one at a time and setting smaller goals instead of your end goal. Small changes will add up to big results in the end. I hope you found something helpful. Best wishes to you on your journey to a healthier you.

    emoticon
    3153 days ago
  • SARAHSMILZ
    Thank you all for the advice and kind words. I had honestly never thought about calling my doctor! That might actually do me some good! Thank you all again. You truly don't know what all of this means to me. :)
    3154 days ago
  • SCHUBERTR1
    Bingeing is actually a method of self-care. When you're eating you're emotionally checking out. Are you familiar with Geneen Roth's books? You should check it out.

    I give you props for putting your issue out there. That takes a REALLY STRONG person!
    3154 days ago
  • RHAL1462
    I too sometimes fine myself "sneaking food" when I am home by myself - the answer I've found is much like ESPRESS2012 suggested - find something else to do! If it means leaving the house until the urge eases, do it! Maybe you can occupy your hands with a craft or play with the baby and perhaps make it exercise too...call an overeating support center...just don't bake those brownies or buy that ice cream!

    Also, have "sweet" things like carrots and grapes (and I LOVE fresh green peppers) already cut up/ washed and ready snack on - at least they are not cakes. brownies, ice cream, etc. You can binge on them and get your 5-7 servings of fruit and veggies at the same time. You won't feel the guilt either. You won't disappoint yourself because you can still track those on SP and the do not add up to high calories and fat.

    You are not alone! But as also mentioned, you do need to figure out why you do this.
    Hopefully you husband will support you and want to help you through this too. emoticon emoticon
    3155 days ago
  • ANJELIA1968
    I am not near as concerned with your eating habits (which you obviously know would be better to change) as I am with your mindset. You are clearly beating yourself up over this and I hate to see you do that. You are God's creation, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14); rejoice in who He has made you to be.
    Have you considered looking for an Overeaters Anonymous group in your area? As they specialize in helping compulsive eaters recover, they might be a wonderful resource for you. There is also an Overeaters Anonymous team here on Sparkpeople. Also, you need to talk with your doctor [which has already been said] and talking with your husband should be helpful too.
    There is a great deal of online support here on Spark but there is much work to be done. Don't hesitate to come here for encouragement and support. You've made the first step and now you can move ahead on this journey.
    3155 days ago
  • ZANNBEE
    Admitting it is brave. Good for you. Sending you emoticon and prayers.
    3155 days ago
  • CHARMCITYMOM10
    I agree that you should talk to your doctor. He/she can get you the resources you need. Support here on Spark People can help a lot too. You are not alone! emoticon
    3155 days ago
  • DIANEDOESSMILES
    Along with talking to ur Dr, is also to PLEASE FORGIVE yourself. You see I am also going thru something similair to this, though not a binge eater, I do have an ED. The first thing I need to realize is I need to be KIND to myself with POSITIVE messages, and you ALSO hon, need to do the SAME !! Something emotionally has led you up to this road, something in your past, and H needs to also realize this, and its NOT his fault and that "he can't control this, nor "fix" it". Men almost always think "they can fix it" but, this is one thing they can NOT fix. Its not that easy.

    Please, please STOP BEATING URSELF UP !! DO contact ur Dr first thing in the AM or when you read these messages, and ask for a therapist who deals with eating disorders as well as a physical for you also need that hon. Will this be SCARY? DARN RIGHT !! But, feel FREE to contact me, for I am also at the beginning of this, with the admittace of this, and its NOT under control,,, I've today had donuts, muffins, chicken nuggets and shakes. I've GAINED 9 lbs while 'being on SP' and a "LEADER" of an ACTIVE TEAM. I feel so ASHAMED of myself but by admitting this , I am finding MUCH support from my team mates, saying how COURAGOUS I am , and SO ARE YOU hon ! WHY? EASY !!! UR ADMITTING THIS !!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU !!! U could of HID THIS and continued onward, hiding it. But did you? NO ! Ur speaking out and asking for HELP !!! YOU ROCK !!!!! Will this be EASY? NOOOOOO !!! I'll be one of the hardest, but REWARDING things you've done in life !!! We are HERE FOR YOU !! SO PLEASE DO keep on contacting me, and check my page on those who are supporting me, contact them ALSO !!! Its a CIRCLE after all ! Check my blog also on "ED on SP?" And see that you are NOT ALONE !!!!! We ARE OUT HERE ! And yet, we CAN get thru this ! Diane
    3155 days ago
  • EXPRESS2012
    Next time those urges hit you, get out of your house and go somewhere new and do something different - like an art museum or a concert - get your thoughts focused in other directions away from the bad place that causes you to binge out.
    3155 days ago
  • BFMONICA
    Talk to your doctor.
    3155 days ago
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