How I'm *slowly* killing off the little voice in my head
Sunday, April 01, 2012
So I have this little voice in my head, it sounds a lot like my ex-stepdad, and it loves to pop off with negative stuff. For example - when I look in the mirror and find things I like about myself the little voice gladly points out the bad things or when I'm exercising the little voice just loves to tell me I can't do it and to just give up. I used to listen to this little voice a lot because I figured it was right. I would make more excuses to myself why I really couldn't walk that extra mile (like I was in pain) or why I should just have that extra piece of cake (Hey, I'm starving dude!). I have had this voice for a very looong time so that doesn't help much either. When I was younger and the little voice told me I was fat I developed an eating disorder that I still have problems with now.
Something hit me today though - I can get rid of that little voice because its WRONG. I CAN do that extra mile, I DO love myself, and I don't NEED that extra piece of cake. I'm going to slowly kill off the little voice until its no longer there - I know I can't just evict it and be rid of it in a single day but over some time I know I can get rid of it.
Today when I was walking with hubby to our grocery store (about 1.5 miles from our house) the little voice reared its ugly little head - instead of listening to it I looked at my hubby who was just walking along no problem and I kept up with him. He is a disabled vet with worse injuries than mine so if he can do it I surely can. If the voice got too strong I gave myself little goals - get to the fire hydrant, get to the sign, get to the cross walk, etc - and if the voice got really bad I would just pump up my music and endeavor to keep in step with hubby. Between the music, the little goals, and the empowerment hubby gives me (and he probably doesn't even know it lol) I made it up the huge hill and to the store. I did have to sit down at the store but I'm sure that was due to the heat and my medicines not mixing well. We did the whole round trip in just under an hour!
Eventually I want to really give little voice something to gripe about - I want to try the couch to run program. I'm going to consult with my doctor first of course but I would really love to give running a try again. We ran in the Army and back then I thought it was the most horrible thing in the world but I remember when I was a kid I loved to run and was rather fast. I think between the voice and being forced to run (instead of just doing it for pleasure) I could easily find the reason I hated running in the Army.
I also picked up a new mantra - 'I accept myself, unconditionally, right now!' I believe that if I recite this mantra in front of a mirror at least twice a day it might help to kill off the voice as well. I picked up the mantra from the movie Hungry for Change. And if all else fails to get rid of the voice I'll just give it over to a higher power and ask for the strength to overcome said voice!
I hope everyone has an amazing and blessed week and if you too have an annoying little voice you can prevail against it!