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JILLYBEAN25
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A Rocky Start

Thursday, April 12, 2012

This month hasn't gone nearly as well as last. I'm not letting that deter me, but for the moment, I'm just going with the flow until things "level out", so to speak.

It didn't help that spring break began right at the beginning of April, but if it hadn't, I might have begun a good thing only to get derailed part-way through. And it wasn't like I had the most relaxing spring break, either. It was nice to see my family... at least, what I did see of them. Upon my arrival, my mom, baby brother, and sister-in-law were all sick. The only person that wasn't was my middle bro. While I don't want anyone being sick, it sort worked out for me because I got to spend way more time with my midbro. He's a computer gamer nerd, so usually when I visit, I hardly see him since he's glued to his screen. We hit his gym once during the week, ran a bunch of errands, sat at Starbucks and sipped coffee. It was nice.

Luckily, I also did the majority of the dinner cooking when I was there. Normally my baby bro and SIL do the cooking, with my mom jumping in occasionally, but I did it pretty much. Which meant I had control of what I made, what went in to the food, and whether or not it was healthy. BOOYAH! There's a tip for you right there, folks. If you're ever worried about nutrition when you visit someone, just take the reigns yourself!

Unfortunately, I was only able to hit a gym twice during the week. I would have gone for a walk outside, but if you think my allergies are bad here in San Diego! I'm so allergic to my hometown!!! And the wind was blowing, and its dusty (as deserts are), and it hasn't rained, and everything's in bloom... Also, my shin splints have been acting up, so a sidewalk would not have worked for me. And it was already in the upper 80's and 90+ degrees out on various days when I was there. I hate the heat. HATE IT. That desert gets to be 115-120 degrees in the summer. I like the milder, colder weather of San Diego much, much better, so when it hits anything above 78, I get cranky. Outdoor exercise was not an option. Indoors would have been more viable, but my baby bro has turned a good chunk of the living room into a music studio, so there's much less space then there used to be. Also, they have hardwood floors. I'm glad I was able to go at least twice to the gym... better than nothing, I suppose, but I would have liked to workout 5-6 days when I was there.

It was also a pretty rough week as far as everything else goes. My uncle passed away from lung cancer. He wasn't even a smoker, either. This one is a little tough for me, though. I never met my uncle. Never talked to him, nothing. So, I don't really feel all that sad. I feel sad that my dad's a little sad about losing his BIL. I feel sad that my aunt lost her husband and that my grandmother lost her SIL. I feel sad that someone in our family has died and that someone has died a pretty unpleasant death in general. I guess when someone dies, we feel like we should be in full-grief mode. I'm not. I don't know how I should be feeling, really. It was rather sudden, too, although not unexpected. He has been living at a facility so he could be receiving round-the-clock care and finally it got to the point where they couldn't do anything more. So, they sent him home. It wasn't long after that he passed.

While all this is going on, my aunt (his wife), whom I have met and enjoyed visiting with when she'd come see my grandmother and my father and my family, has discovered that HER cancer has spread to her brain. She was initially diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. She was doing okay after, but then it was discovered she had cancer in her lymph nodes. The last report I had heard was that she was also doing okay thereafter, but the latest news that it is now in her brain seems to say otherwise. Her prognosis is rather grim, I'm sad to say. Once again, my dad will most likely be losing another member of his family, we'll be losing another member, and my poor, frail, aging grandmother will be dealing with the grief of losing a child before she goes. For all of this, and more, I'm terrifically sad.

Since being back in San Diego, I've had to play some catch-up regarding school mostly. I got back a day later then I intended (spring break should never end with Easter) and had a big test in my leadership class on Wednesday, so I had a few assignments to turn in online prior to that. And, of course, I woke up on Wednesday, test day, with several things going on. The weather outside was nasty. It was crazy windy out and raining like mad! There was no way I was going to walk in that ugliness for 15 minutes to school unless I wanted to be soaked to the bone. Worse, though, was I had the most painful sinus pressure imaginable! It felt like my face was trying to blow my eyeballs out of their sockets. How's that for a visual? It hurt so, so bad! I even had a little bit of light sensitivity and nausea. So, odd, as I rarely get symptoms like that with headaches and migraines. Anyhow, I took a bunch of stuff and went back to bed. I got up, did some more studying, dragged my carcass to school (it was now dry and sunny out) and aced my test. I was the first one to turn it in, too. Crazy! I sat through the rest of class, but it was a struggle. The pain in my face was making it difficult to concentrate and to even see. I need glasses to begin with, but can't afford them right now, so I'm without. The notes my instructor was writing on the board were so blurry, I could hardly see what was written. Luckily she reads them out loud before she expands on them, so I was able to type it all up. Normally I don't have that much trouble seeing the board, so I'm guessing it was related to this face-ache. I also haven't been grocery shopping since being back here in San Deezy, so I have very little to eat and what I have isn't the most healthy, so I've been eating out. My body is feeling it, too. I am not feeling so hot. Maybe that's part of the pressure headache.

I've already mentioned that I have an appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday. We'll be discussing what's going to go down and when for this stupid gallbladder, so I'll keep you updated. In relation to this, but not really, I want to join this gym that's sort of near my house, but I'm kind of conflicted. They offer a student discount, so its really super cheap for me to join! My problem is I have to sign a year contract to get the discount and otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford it. But, with this surgery, I'll probably be unable to workout for at least a month, if not two (assuming they can do the laproscopy) and I don't want to pay for months I won't be using, ya know? Also, its only a 15 minute walk away, but the primary reason I want to go to this gym is to use the cardio equipment. But, I'll be getting 30 minutes of cardio just getting to and from the place, so is it even worth it? Shin splints worry me, too, with this as I want access to the treadmills and ellipticals so that I don't have to deal with them. But, 30 minutes on a sidewalk in gym transport means they'll probably rear their ugly heads, right? And I'm not much of a weight machines girl unless I have a trainer guiding me through them, so I don't know how much weight training I'd actually do at the gym. They also have classes that I'm interested in taking, that are free with the membership, so I'd probably take advantage of that a few times a week, too. I'm not sure what to do about this.

So, for now, I'm going to listen to my body, get some really good food in it, and start working on my goals for this month. I had 1,011 fitness minutes last month. I don't want to end this month with only the 142 I currently have. I can and will do better than that!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PROVERBS31JULIA
    Wow, sounds like April was the kind of Passover trials we usually have (and my mother in law died in April last year so we had that kinda hanging over us this April.).

    Plus I also got a sinus deal at the end of the month! Hey did you know Dark Chocolate (like 80-90% and no sugar or milk/lactose in it!! check labels) helps with that face ache?? I kid you not!! But I also found making dietary changes helped me, like cutting out the store-boughten milk. I don't know if you can still get the raw milk from AltaDena any more? I used to get it from the El Rancho market in Pasadena years ago but California has been trying to shut down raw milk like forever (this was late 70's when I was there.).

    Really bad about your uncle? and mine died here in January. He was my aunt's 3rd? 4th? husband... but I knew him a little bit more than I did the first two. It's tough when relatives just die unexpectedly like that and everyone has different beliefs or opinions about what happens after death, so then it all gets bottled up because you don't want to say something that makes others mad or uncomfortable or whatever...

    Man I keep forgetting you are out there in San Diego!! I know you have your crappy days and all, don't we all? but you are SOOOO close to the beach! Just go out there and stick your feet in the water for a few minutes, even if the tide comes in and gets your butt wet, and think of me!! I'd be out there walking with you if I could get out there! Is that beach cafe still there (I think there was like a chain of them, one in each of the beaches there, Pacific Beach, LaJolla etc?).

    I was reading something the other day called "Earthing" and sounds like walking on the beach in the water a bit, barefoot is the perfect way to discharge negative energies... ahhhhh I miss Florida!! I miss San Diego! Hawaii! Oceanside!! all the beaches I've ever been before.... I could go earthing barefoot in our grass but have to dodge birdpoop and dog poop from all the walkers who walk by our house and let their dogs bomb away in our front yard (meanwhile our back yard is occupied by OUR dog, so I rarely step (bare)foot back there!! For Sure!! EWWWW

    emoticon

    What was your degree in again? I forgot... I'm getting senile that way.

    Need to get off the computer, fun as this is, but it's making my left arm/shoulder ache again.


    emoticon emoticon
    3263 days ago
  • RSTM99
    Wow - that's a lot on your plate! Take care of yourself too, stress can take its toll in the worst ways. Hope things go the best they can for your family - very tough.
    Good for you for planning and forging ahead - inspiring!
    3285 days ago
  • MEWHENRYSMAMA
    Wow Girl, you have lots going on! sorry for the loss...grief is interesting...it can feel one way and then another and often it is a general feeling about life itself!
    Good luck with the Dr appt. And recovery! Man you had me joining and not joining that gym with each comment! I have no idea...wait TIL you go to the Dr..then do a pro and con list!
    Hope you feel better with the sinus...I am just getting over a bad one! Meiserable!
    Love and Hugs,
    Mary
    3289 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/13/2012 6:41:14 AM
  • BLUE48DOWN
    emoticon With grief, simply let yourself feel whatever you feel. There is no right or wrong to it as long as you're honest with yourself.

    I hope you're not coming down with whatever much of your family had!
    3289 days ago
  • JSALERNO
    glad you did the cooking.
    3289 days ago
  • TCHRSHEA
    Hope all goes well for you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers.
    3289 days ago
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