So Glad April is OVER. Good effin' riddance.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Well, its that time where I review last month (gulp!) and plan for this month. Let's just get this over with.
I'll start with what I did successfully. I made it passed 500 fitness minutes for the month, but just barely. At least I did it, but it was quite a struggle.
Okay, that about covers it. Out of 10 goals, I got one done. I didn't track food and water, I didn't stick to my unhealthy with healthy rule, I hardly ate homecooked meals, I almost never ate breakfast, and I still struggled to stay on top of my schooling. I didn't use each piece of fitness equipment I own, I didn't do different cardio, I didn't integrate more toning/ST, and I definitely didn't blog weekly on my other website.
What. Went. Wrong. Lots of things. My spring break began the first week of April, and though I was out of town, didn't do too bad. Didn't exercise as much as I wanted, but I ate fairly good. Then, my uncle passed away and all the confusing emotions that went along with that. And my aunt found out her cancer metastasized to her brain. Add some more scoops to the emotions. Sadness for the family I never met, the family I loved, and the rest of us who are left to feel the hurt. This month was full of craptastic emotions that I didn't know what to do with.
But, I guess grief does that. It also messes with your head quite a bit. When I blogged about my sadness and grief on April 12 (A Rocky Start) I only had 5 wonderful Spark friends say something to me. That's the least amount of comments I'd gotten on a blog since November. A blog about personal pain and grief and I have to say, I felt abandoned by the Spark community. I know death and grief and whatnot are extremely uncomfortable subjects to deal with and talk about. Doubly hard is when it's someone you don't really know all that well. But, people who are grieving need nothing more than to know someone is thinking about them and possibly praying for them. That's all I needed.
Just when I started to pull myself out my slump, sorta, my grandmother gets into a wicked bad car accident. Her car is totaled. The front end is mangled, like an accordion leading up to the firewall. She had an angel riding with her though because she ended up with a few pretty bad bruises (namely from the seatbelt) and a few cuts and scrapes. A woman well into her 70's all but walked away from the crash! Luckily for her, the other driver is at fault, so the insurances can fight out the deets and she can get a new car. Which will make finances tight for the both of us. As if they weren't tight enough already. Scoop back on those emotions.
In the month of April I should have heard from the flunkies at my surgeon's office. I don't know what this person does all day that prevents her from calling and scheduling surgeries and then letting patients know when their date is. Her title is "Scheduler". Somehow, this person isn't able to even do that. Here I am, 11 business days after my appointment and I still don't have a date set for The Big Chop-Chop. And yes, actually, I have called to find out what the deal is. Still haven't gotten a call back. *Fumes*
And today, though not actually April, but just a continuing theme of crappiness, I discover that my DSS practicum will probably be at a facility that isn't anywhere near me. SWELL. Should be really easy getting to and from there without a car. Good thing the bus system here sucks so it'll be really hard to deal!
I'm make no apologies for my mood. I still feel grief, stress, sadness, emptiness, loneliness and fat. I'm allowed to feel like that for now. I need to finish school cuz it's really burning me out. Then, I can deal with the rest of it.
So, for the month of May, I've decided to not have any goals. For all I know, I'll be having surgery by the end of it, so I'd only have a few weeks to accomplish goals anyway. Coupling that with finals... No. No, thank you. My broad "goal" for the month is to work on being as healthy as I can before going under the chopstick-like knife. Eating well and healthy, exercising when I can, listening to my body tell me when it's tired or in pain, and just getting myself mentally in a better place. That's it. I'll keep my April goals posted and see if I can get motivated enough to do any of them. But, no pressure if that doesn't happen.