Okay, I've had enough. I'm sick of yo-yoing. I want to be able to tell people "yeah, I lost weight" not "ehh it depends on from when you are referring because I can't keep my stuff TOGETHER". I'm taking control. I have more than myself to live for and I deserve to be healthy AND happy.
I was stuffing my face everytime I ate, eating fast so my body couldn't keep up and tell me I was full before I devoured the entire plate. Yeah, I worked out every day after work, but until a couple weeks ago, walking on the treadmill or half-assing on the elliptical was what I called working out.
My new routine is 5 small meals a day to shrink my stomach again so I CANT eat a lot, 30 min walk at lunch @ 3.8mph, 30 min cardio after work (half running, half walking fast on an incline). Oh...and 60 chair dips, 60 squats and 40 pushups every weekday while I'm at work. Every hour I take 30 seconds and do a rep.
From a personal standpoint....hmmmm....
When I first "met" my new boyfriend 2 months ago, I was terrified. He said "average sized" was Halle Berry. WHAT!?!? We met on match.com, so we hadn't physically seen each other at this point and I immediately shut down and told him we should just hang up now and move on. He liked my personality and mentality so much that he wanted to "see for himself".
He *says* he loves the way I look. For that I am thankful, but there is always something in the back of my mind wondering if I forgot to tuck my belly into my pants after he let me in the car, if he would notice and be disgusted when he got in and looked over. Does he notice my double chin the way I do? Oh...and did I mention that he's a health freak!? Yeah..organic food whenever possible and always talked about working out. Finally, I felt comfortable enough to share my concerns with him. I was not ready for a complete overhaul of my diet and the way I eat! If he doesn't like me the way I do things now, he needs to peace out..........
Turns out, he wasn't trying to change anything about me. (Can you say paranoid?) I definitely can use some healthy influence when it comes to my diet and lifestyle, I just wanted to still enjoy the things that make me happy (like Mint Choc Chip Ice Cream when TOM came to visit). Whodathought he would be completely supportive and even partake in some of it with me!? (well..not the ice cream, but cookies I baked him :) )
All that to say....I have more help now with some changes that have taken place in my life--so why stop now!? I'm taking control back. I hope you will all welcome me back and allow me to tag along and join you on your journeys!!!
PS For those of you who were around during the difficult time before I left SP because I was diagnosed with aneurysms and a brain tumor, I am happy to report that there were/are no aneurysms! There is a tumor on my pituitary gland, but as of January 2012, it has been labeled "non-working" and we will not bother with it unless it grows or emits hormones. THANK GOD! And thank all of you for all of your support and thoughts throughout the ordeal. My hiatus is officially over, I'm not letting this "condition" be my excuse any longer!