Saturday, May 19, 2012
It's been a year and half since I last blogged. I'm dusting off the old cobwebs from this spark account and trying to breathe new life into it. A lot has happened in the past 18 months but one thing that has remained the same is I'm slowly but surely continuing to gain weight.
A lot of things has happened to me in the past week alone. Life changing events has definitely put my weight into perspective where I feel that it is time to stop making excuses and stop thinking that everything is okay because it's not.
First off I've recently started a new job. There is nothing like feeling uncomfortable when you notice that you are the largest person everywhere you go. The chairs are tight around my hips, when I am walking with others, I'm always a few paces behind and at my job I'm dealing with patients and I feel uncomfortable meeting them because I don't want to be judged. I'm supposed to be helping them! This should give me the motivation that I need to work on my weight but all week I said I would do this or I would do that to make changes and to be honest I didn't do anything.
Secondly someone that I knew from Spark passed away this week. We weren't very close but we were Facebook friends and because he posted everyday he was still always in my life. I would read about his struggles and hardships. It was very hard for me to hear that he passed away. I know that if he were able to control his food demons he would still be around. That could be me one day. I've already been told at the doctor's office that my blood sugar level is pre-diabetic. I've been prescribed a medication (though haven't taken it yet) and advised by my doctor to get it together. I came up with a three month plan and knew that after those three months when I was tested again that I would be in the normal level again. I haven't acted on that plan either.
Lastly I was approved for my health insurance's weight management plan which includes weekly phone calls and a 12 week paid Weight Watchers plan. I don't feel I'm ready to join Weight Watchers but in order for me to take part in the program I had to join within 30 days and it was like either go today and lose out on taking part in the program because its only a one time thing. When I went to Weight Watchers today the first two scales they had me weigh on wouldn't register. Let me rephrase that. I OUTWEIGHED THE SCALES AT WEIGHT WATCHERS!!! This is Weight Watchers. This is where people go to get help with weight loss. I couldn't use two of their scales. I was mortified and humiliated with myself. I almost wanted to cry right on the spot. They instructed me to try a third scale and I guess that one did register my weight. I don't know what my weight is though because I guess with the switching around they forgot to write it down in my book. I am thinking perhaps it's a blessing in disguise because I don't think I would have been able to handle it. I'm at my highest weight because I've never not been able to weigh-in at Weight Watchers before.
So here I am now with every reason in the world screaming at me to make some changes. I hope that I can just take notice and do something because I don't want to be the story of the girl that someone knew on Sparkpeople that just couldn't get it together