Well... Hades and Hel

My dearest, eldest furry dog did not make it. She was put, quite literally, to sleep, then permanently gone, through barbiturate. I got to hold her for three hours waiting for doc to finish dealing with all the emergencies that popped in all afternoon. She wagged a bit off and on. By the time he was able to come in and help us, she was sleeping mostly anyway. After I said goodbye, I had to come home, let the son know, then go to the hospital where I sat with Mom for a while. We have decided to go to hospice care. I just have to find a place. Half of my overeating calories today was just not having the time or gumption to grab anything healthy. The worst was going out to dinner. I consciously had the time and ability to get something healthy and stay pretty close to proper intake, and just didn't want to do it.

I feel so sick, so tired... I just don't know what to do - I fix things, I FIX problems. These cannot be fixed. I feel like I failed my baby girl, and am failing my mom. Logically, I know that is not the case. Emotionally. I am drained. Hopefully will feel good enough tomorrow to shake some of this.

ok, end of whine. Bed is calling.