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Well... Hades and Hel

Saturday, May 19, 2012

My dearest, eldest furry dog did not make it. She was put, quite literally, to sleep, then permanently gone, through barbiturate. I got to hold her for three hours waiting for doc to finish dealing with all the emergencies that popped in all afternoon. She wagged a bit off and on. By the time he was able to come in and help us, she was sleeping mostly anyway. After I said goodbye, I had to come home, let the son know, then go to the hospital where I sat with Mom for a while. We have decided to go to hospice care. I just have to find a place. Half of my overeating calories today was just not having the time or gumption to grab anything healthy. The worst was going out to dinner. I consciously had the time and ability to get something healthy and stay pretty close to proper intake, and just didn't want to do it.

I feel so sick, so tired... I just don't know what to do - I fix things, I FIX problems. These cannot be fixed. I feel like I failed my baby girl, and am failing my mom. Logically, I know that is not the case. Emotionally. I am drained. Hopefully will feel good enough tomorrow to shake some of this.

ok, end of whine. Bed is calling.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sheryl, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your good friend, and your Mom's illness. We lost our Lily in November and I still hurt when I think about her. And I know how tough it is to first, go through a loved one's illness with them, second to be the parent and making decisions for your parents, and third to not be able to fix things when that's what you're really good at.

    Praying for you and your family in these tough times.
    3153 days ago
    Ya know, its really is OK to just plain have a crappy day (or week in your case). It happens. It is ok to cry and grieve. Give yourself that time, then lift your heart, and you WILL carry on.

    My heart goes out to you on the loss of a beloved 4 footed child.
    I will lift you and your Family in prayer.
    Wishing you Peace during these trying times.
    3156 days ago
    My BIL will be starting hospice soon and we went through it last year with another BIL. It was truly a blessing.
    3156 days ago
    So sorry, I can't imagine how hard all this must be, I am a fixer too and I know how it feels to be unable to fix something. I am sorry, you are in my thoughts.
    3161 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you, your mom, and the rest of your family.
    3161 days ago
  • TAMARA6905
    Oh no! What a tough weekend! I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of that. Just remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Keep your head up and keep pushing through!

    3162 days ago
    Sheryl...I read your blog knowing everything that you were building up to and yet s till I wasn't ready for your last paragraph. I literally sobbed through it. In my family I am the FIXER. I FIX it and make it all better. When my mom fell ill, when she had the long and painful journey to the last breath, I felt helpless and as though I were failing in my job, in what was expected of me. And yes, rationally I knew this was NOT true, but I couldn't shake it for a long time. You still have a road to travel, my sweetheart...and it isn't easy. Just know that it does get better. I was told this over and over when I was going through it and I just shrugged it off but it is truth. It gets better. Not all better, not perfect, just...better.

    I'm sorry about Lily. I'm praying for your mom's days to be peaceful, loving, and as pain-free as possible. I'm also praying for the strength that you have in you to shore you up and keep you standing in faith that you are a good person, a wonderful daughter, and that you have done a good job in all that has been given to you to take care of. I'm also praying for your peace of mind and comfort. We are here for you.
    3162 days ago
  • TXLADY110

    There is no harder decision than to honor a request from you family for hospice.
    May you use exercise to help the stress and sadness lift to the coping levels.

    Hold on tot he good days with Mom and forget the bad days.

    3163 days ago
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