What a wake up call this week has been.
Saturday, July 07, 2012
As a stay at home single mom, life basically revolves around my son. Well he has been in Portugal for the last week and isn't due home for another week. I can't believe how small my world has become. Next year he will be in college and then what am I going to do with myself. I am so limited in activities because of my fatigue level do to illness. I do socialize at the gym each morning mon-friday but that is about the extent of it. It is kind of like when you end a relationship and all your friends were people you spent time with as a couple. And even your single friends have a life. One of the things I have realized is that I have a number of "unhealthy" people in my life who i really don't enjoy spending time with but I do so that I am not alone all the time. And the time I spend with them is always at my expense. So I am making some changes, I am kicking out few unhealthy relationships with the hopes this will allow me the opportunity to find and allow others in my life. I need to put myself out there...I am just not sure where that is yet. But I am going to make it a goal to reach out and put myself out there it is time to take some risks...I will never forget Dr. Phill stating that people are not going to jump on the hood of your car and say pick me. And if that is what I am waiting to happen I mines as well get used to being alone. The other thing I need to do is set some standards, If I am the one paying and driving all the time then this is not what I want! Spending time with me does not mean you get to do all the talking. I have so many friends who do all the talking and I do all the listening...so when I am with them I am still alone, because I never get to talk about me or what is going on with me. I have really wanted to comfort myself with food this week. Stuff the loneliness down with french fries or ice cream sundaes or even a 3 musketeer bar I am happy to report I have not mainly because I am not willing to leave the house to get them.