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What a wake up call this week has been.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

As a stay at home single mom, life basically revolves around my son. Well he has been in Portugal for the last week and isn't due home for another week. I can't believe how small my world has become. Next year he will be in college and then what am I going to do with myself. I am so limited in activities because of my fatigue level do to illness. I do socialize at the gym each morning mon-friday but that is about the extent of it. It is kind of like when you end a relationship and all your friends were people you spent time with as a couple. And even your single friends have a life. One of the things I have realized is that I have a number of "unhealthy" people in my life who i really don't enjoy spending time with but I do so that I am not alone all the time. And the time I spend with them is always at my expense. So I am making some changes, I am kicking out few unhealthy relationships with the hopes this will allow me the opportunity to find and allow others in my life. I need to put myself out there...I am just not sure where that is yet. But I am going to make it a goal to reach out and put myself out there it is time to take some risks...I will never forget Dr. Phill stating that people are not going to jump on the hood of your car and say pick me. And if that is what I am waiting to happen I mines as well get used to being alone. The other thing I need to do is set some standards, If I am the one paying and driving all the time then this is not what I want! Spending time with me does not mean you get to do all the talking. I have so many friends who do all the talking and I do all the listening...so when I am with them I am still alone, because I never get to talk about me or what is going on with me. I have really wanted to comfort myself with food this week. Stuff the loneliness down with french fries or ice cream sundaes or even a 3 musketeer bar I am happy to report I have not mainly because I am not willing to leave the house to get them.
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    Do you have any 'hobbies' that you participating in...maybe they are ones you put aside to have a family, maybe now it iss time to take a 2nd look at the possibilities in that direction...a new 'chapter of your life'.

    I kind-a have the opposite situation, when I moved to a new community to work, I joined a photo club, a music group that brings classical performers to our community, and participated on my local professional board, as well as work for a 'charitable organization' that may also include 'volunteer time' I'm now retired from work and some of my volunteer positions, I have a special other person in my life, however, they work 12 hrs / day each day of the week, so I now need to find other things to keep busy so am looking for 'ideas' for this this new phase of my life...one that I plan to look into is taking a course either at the local college or on line. However, I would prefer the one that brings new people with a similar interest. So the first step I am taking is to just mentally brainstorm and write down any thought that may come to mind...to be reviewed later.

    One of my friends joined a 'book club' in her neighbourhood, where people in her group choose a topic to read about then get together once a month to discuss. emoticon
    2807 days ago
    Thanks for the support!
    2814 days ago
    Hang in there, Maggie. You're really NOT on your own - although I know exactly what you mean.
    2820 days ago
    Don't do it! Don't comfort yourself with food. Comfort yourself with exercise, a walk, yoga, gardening etc. Keeping productive really is cathartic.

    I agree with you, have healthy relationships where you are not being taken for granted or advantage of.

    I'm the same way. In an effort to be polite and friendly, I tend to be the one that everyone dumps on, complains to, etc. It really sucks. When you start to bring up a topic you want to get off your chest, all the sudden its time for that person to go or get off the phone. Been there, experienced that!

    It is not selfish to kick out those relationships that drain the very life out of you. A friendship is a give and take. Try book clubs, community center, make friends and invite the people you workout with at the gym to a farmer's market outing and healthy lunch.

    It's hard for me to be outgoing to make friends. I've always waited for people to approach me and "jump on the hood and say pick me." lol. It was easier that way. But, when you are younger it works. As people get older, they tend to be more conservative and reserved. It's time for me to get out there and put forth the initiative.

    Good luck!!
    2821 days ago
    2821 days ago
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