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I smiled today

Saturday, August 25, 2012

It may not seem like much, but I smiled today. Maybe even laughed a bit. Haven't done much of that this past week. It has been taking everything I have to just make it through the day. Anything can get me to start crying. I am an emotional wreck.

No, my husband is NOT having an affair. There is no doubt in my mind of that. He may be many things, but a cheater is not one of them. He has not been honest with me on some very important things, but I believe he does truly care about me. Can I trust him? I don't know. We have been trying to talk more. Ok, I've been trying to talk and get him to understand. Not one of my strong points. I'm the type to just keep things bottled up until it's too late.

Anyway, I disappeared for awhile and am trying to find my way back. I gave up on most exercise and tracking. I managed a couple of walks this week, but it wasn't a priority. I haven't had the energy or the desire. I come home from work and either crawl in bed or lay on the couch and watch movies. Sometimes finding comfort in the frozen yogurt hiding in the freezer. My body feels like it's shutting down. I get lightheaded easily and feel almost like my blood sugar is out of whack. Guess this is what I get for eating junk again.

Today we went for a visit to the wildlife sanctuary. It took awhile, but I started enjoying it again. I learned that foxes and deer like peanuts and that the chipmunks will eat corn out of my hand after I run out of nuts. That's what made me smile. A chipmunk ran right at me like they've done before when I had peanuts. All I has was corn so I bent down with some in my hand and he crawled right in. We sat in the middle of the walkway and three chips would come up and eat from our hands. My husband looked so innocent with this new experience that for a moment I felt everything would be ok.

Maybe in time it will be ok. I don't know. All I can do is take it one day at a time and try to focus on what is best for me. As I was reminded by a good friend, now is not the time to stop working to get healthier. Eating healthier and exercise can only help. I just need to remember that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sometimes a smile is a turning point. It means hope and trancendance beyond that which has been plaguing us. I'm glad you enjoyed that moment. emoticon
    2943 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11703205
    I had the affair .... 19 years ago. and I can tell you from that experience ...... I felt like crap for a long time. I know you said that he did not, I'm just saying that I did. (and still married to the same wonderful man who forgave me.) Talking is the most important thing that you can do. Yes it will be hard to still eat right and exercise but you also need that too. It will help with the crap feeling. If you are honest with each other and really try you will both come through this and have a stronger relationship than before. But YOU have to talk! You have to let it out. ...... if you don't your marriage will be over.
    praying for you guys.
    2945 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2316251
    emoticon Hugs and Prayers are going out to you. I am so glad you have smiled! Please do not give up on your health. Your health is so very important. Start exercising again and eating healthy. Walking like you did is very good. You are back to a good start. Please take care of yourself. Again, emoticon

    2945 days ago
    2946 days ago
    Thank you for writing this blog and sharing your smile with us. You are an added attraction to this team. We appreciate you. May you enjoy you today.
    2946 days ago
    that's the big thing find something to smile about one time a day. We all have bad time moments on the trail . just don't give up keep coming and sharing with the team .
    and don't get to many things on your to do list maybe try for 10 minutes of exercise one evening a week. set a goal of not snacking one time a week and soon you will find you are up to 7 days Just don't beat your self up is the BIG goal you an do it .
    2946 days ago
    Glad to hear you enjoyed the wildlife sanctuary today.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2946 days ago
    I'm so glad you checked in with us and it's wonderful that you found something to smile about. You deserve to enjoy some good things that give you happiness.

    Sometimes we need to really feel our feelings in order to find our way to the other side, to where we can decide what to do next. It often takes awhile, but finding our way back to a happiness is important.
    2946 days ago
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