I smiled today
Saturday, August 25, 2012
It may not seem like much, but I smiled today. Maybe even laughed a bit. Haven't done much of that this past week. It has been taking everything I have to just make it through the day. Anything can get me to start crying. I am an emotional wreck.
No, my husband is NOT having an affair. There is no doubt in my mind of that. He may be many things, but a cheater is not one of them. He has not been honest with me on some very important things, but I believe he does truly care about me. Can I trust him? I don't know. We have been trying to talk more. Ok, I've been trying to talk and get him to understand. Not one of my strong points. I'm the type to just keep things bottled up until it's too late.
Anyway, I disappeared for awhile and am trying to find my way back. I gave up on most exercise and tracking. I managed a couple of walks this week, but it wasn't a priority. I haven't had the energy or the desire. I come home from work and either crawl in bed or lay on the couch and watch movies. Sometimes finding comfort in the frozen yogurt hiding in the freezer. My body feels like it's shutting down. I get lightheaded easily and feel almost like my blood sugar is out of whack. Guess this is what I get for eating junk again.
Today we went for a visit to the wildlife sanctuary. It took awhile, but I started enjoying it again. I learned that foxes and deer like peanuts and that the chipmunks will eat corn out of my hand after I run out of nuts. That's what made me smile. A chipmunk ran right at me like they've done before when I had peanuts. All I has was corn so I bent down with some in my hand and he crawled right in. We sat in the middle of the walkway and three chips would come up and eat from our hands. My husband looked so innocent with this new experience that for a moment I felt everything would be ok.
Maybe in time it will be ok. I don't know. All I can do is take it one day at a time and try to focus on what is best for me. As I was reminded by a good friend, now is not the time to stop working to get healthier. Eating healthier and exercise can only help. I just need to remember that.