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Why is life have to be so hard.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Well I have been having a difficult time not teaching but also now my mother-in-law has cancer that has spread. She had her port put in yesterday and I think reality is finally setting in that she is really sick. We pray ever day that she has a quality of life so that she may enjoy her family and friends. The chemo will hopefully do that. She is very positive, a very strong woman with a great deal of faith.
I am very numb over this whole thing. I am full of emotions that I just can't let go of. But I am trying to stay positive around her and trying to spend so quality time together.
All of this is playing havoc on my depression. My emotions are inside and that is bringing me down. The thought of losing my what i call her as my other mom makes me so sad.
Not going to school has not helped because I have time to fill and time to think and that is not good.
Even though I will walk this weekend in the Race for the Cure for breast cancer I will also walk for my mother-in-law. My mom is celebrating 24 years of a cancer free life since her mastectomy.
I'm going to close for now and hope that etch day brings a good day for all involved in my mother-in-laws life including her.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PCOH051610
    Jeanne,

    So sorry I missed this when you posted it. I understand where you are coming from completely and wish I could reach through this computer screen to give you a hug.

    I think when we live with depression we know that our emotions are all over the place and that a lot goes on in our minds that we can't verbalize. Right now you are missing work and you are faced with the possible loss of a supportive woman in your life who clearly means a lot to you. IF, I was in the same position you would tell me it is okay to be feeling the things that I am. IF, you didn't feel them it would be time to worry.

    I know they say that journalizing is good for you but it is something that I don't do enough of. I was always afraid that somebody would read them and realize that I'm more of a nutcase than they thought! Ha!

    But you need an outlet. Be it screaming from the top of your lungs into a pillow.....get your feelings out. Acknowledge that it is perfectly normal to have these feelings but you can then choose what direction to go in. Perhaps it means telling this wonderful woman how scared you are, perhaps it means going to a few trusted teachers and asking to have lunch because you miss them.

    These are just random ideas so I hope you don't think I'm playing pyschologist with you.

    emoticon Susan
    2703 days ago
  • NELLJONES
    This is a tough time for all of you. My prayers are with you.
    2715 days ago
  • LILAC_LANE
    Please know that I'm praying for you and your loved ones.
    Take care of yourself the best that you can.
    2715 days ago
  • JSMC10
    You and your family are in my thoughts, stay strong emoticon
    2715 days ago
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