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struggling

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

10-2-12
I have to admit, I am struggling. Struggling with my increased weight again. Struggling with my low self esteem. Struggling with my low libito. struggling with my health/ or lack of it thereof. struggling with our finances. Struggling with my health affecting my ability to keep/preventing me from going to church and keeping me from doing the things I want to do. Struggling with even being able to go to work. Struggling with the sale of our home/or lack therof. struggling with raising funds for my husband for his missions trip to Honduras since all the funds have to be in by the end of Nov. WE have a mountain of medical bills on me alone hanging over my head. I have had a migraine since Thursday and a fever to go with it of ( at times 104.1) today its only 102.3 I have gotten in down to 108.9 if I take enough ibuprofen. then my stomach hurts. whew. so I haven't been able to work. so that adds to my stress and makes me feel like a failure. makes me feel like I am a failure in our marriage and puttling everythin on my husband. How can I help him. when I am so sick? I appreciate him and love him and try my best to support him and tell him and show him. its so hard on days like today when everything is so blurry. our church is doing a drama for three nights and I cant even go because of the lights and sounds being so bright and loud. emoticon , I go on. As usual. But inside I feel all broken and torn apart.He helps everyone else that asks for help. Sometimes I just wish he would just stay home and be with me without me having to ask. Then at other times I am so proud of him for always helping others. It was the one thing about him that drew me to him. Im just venting. you don't need to reply. Dont even feel like going on and trying. Im just tired and ready to wake up one of these days in a new body that no longer hurts and then I can run and play and work full of life and energy again and be the helpmate to my husband that I feel he deserves. not suicidal. at all. just tired of being sick and hurting. I am still seeking answers have sent off a packet of medical papers to a new doctor that will test for all allergies, all foods, all colors, and all dyes. to see what triggers might cause the migraines. and go from there. This test is not cheap and they do not accept insurance but we can pay and then submit it to the insurance and see if they will reimburse any. its a long shot, but worth a try. sometimes a person has to try several times, but she said they will usually pay.if the client is persistent. first initial visit is $235. then the test is 140., then they ship it out to other labs to test, then when the labs do there part, they ship it back we get two bills, one from the lab, and another from the main office to read what the lab found out.
But it is so exact and precise they can find out if a person is gluten intolerant 10 years before other doctors thru normal blood tests can tell if a person is gluten intolerant. Ten years avoiding. ten years sooner! thats huge! alot less pain and suffering! less pain, less migraines, and loss of work. So, we will see what they find out. Just waiting for them to call and set up an appointment.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ASOBFALLS
    emoticon I hear a lot of pain and hopelessness emoticon . One day, one hour, one minute with God ...one minute at a time.

    2740 days ago
  • JODIEC79
    I hope that you get some answers and start feeling better. Perhaps spend a few minutes looking at some positive aspects of your life to help boost your esteem and your overall outlook.
    All the best!
    2740 days ago
  • SABLENESS
    When I feel awful is the best time to do a 10 item gratitude list, even when it's hard to come up with them.

    Being your own best caregiver is a #1 priority. It's too bad that you're not getting support from husband. Hope you find some answers through the testing. emoticon
    2741 days ago
  • SHERYLDS
    “The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” ~M. Scott Peck

    “We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” ~Fredrick Koeing

    2741 days ago
  • SVELTEWARRIOR
    I truly hope you feel better soon and you get the answers you need just as soon!!!
    2741 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11725650
    emoticon Hope you get to feeling better real soon.
    2742 days ago
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