I made it through my first week
Sunday, October 07, 2012
I was in such a bad place a week ago. I had forgotten the way. I put my children and husband first for so long, that I was not taking care of me. I have been stressed about my baby going away to school. I worried about me closing my business and finances. I worried about everything. I did not pay attention to anything that i put in my mouth. What was the result? I was at an all time high in my weight. I hate myself. I hate my reflection. How could I do this to me?
Amy told me about the biggest loser challenge from a trainer that we used a few years ago. This woman is a tiny package of dynamo. She is beautiful, but tough. When you least expect it, she is soft and understanding. When Amy told me about this my heart said do it with out a thought. I double checked with my husband about spending the money. We are on a budget now because I am not working. I hate spending the money on me, but he knows that I need this.
Monday I meet with the trainer. I see my weight on the scale. defeat and self hate creeps in. My trainer told me that that is the last time I have to see that number. OK, she is right. I will be good. I know when I signed up for this that this time I have to dig into my soul and put all of my issues out to dry. I have to focus on me. I have to make me a priority. When I feel lazy I will only hurt myself if I do not want to work out. I know that when I eat poorly, I am only hurting myself. I have a choice... Put myself first and do it, or continue on this path.
I made it through the first week. Monday trainer
Wed trainer and then second work out
Thurs swam half mile, water zumba
My eating has been good. I have been staying in my target zone. I am proud of myself.
Wait, what is that? A tinge of self respect.
This week has not been easy.... But each day I feel more confident. I think these are the first baby steps toward self like.... I know I can do this.