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Changing for the Better

Friday, October 19, 2012

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Since the beginning of the year, I want to say I have roughly gained 10-15 lbs. I pertain that to a bunch of things: moving in with my boyfriend, different schedule, different habits in terms of eating and exercise, stress, work. Just everything. Well it really has started to affect me. The other day I was showering, and I just broke down crying. I was SO upset with myself. With my appearance, with my self-esteem, all of it. Not to mention I am struggling with adjusting BC bills and that whole thing, it hasn’t been a pleasant road for me in terms of my body just sucking. On the other hand, things with Ahren and our little life have been great! We struggled the first 4-5 months living with each other. It was hard. I am finding myself happy but unhappy all at once and that leads me to just stress out even more than I want to allow myself to. I have been going to therapy for the past 2 months or so, and it’s been helping me with life’s constant things that I have struggled with for some time but I never really bring up my issue with weight. He knows I crave routine and schedules and things like that, but I never really mentioned how I guess weight obsessed I am. Maybe I should bring it up.

Growing up during that time in your life where you’re in your teens and you are growing into your body, I was chubby. I slimmed down the end of high school but then bam! College came around and I gained a bunch of weight. I just started dating Ahren, I was happy and comfortable and within that first year I just lived it up and gained 40+ lbs. At that point, my mother mad it very apparent that I was huge and that it wasn’t good and all that jazz, and I knew it, but my problem was I had NO IDEA what to do about it. I never went to the gym I never watched what I ate, so it was like learning to ride a bike at age 20. When I found out about Sparkpeople, it was everything I craved – it was order and routine and scheduling. I LOVED IT! Sparkpeople and I were BFF my entire senior year of college and I was able to lose most of those 40 lbs before graduation.

Fast forward to now – the present. I want to be besties with my BFF again. I REALLY DO. I need to be a pain in my own ass from now on. I was SO hardcore with everything, my food my exercise my entire way of life. And I liked it. Sure, I like to indulge -- hello I live 10 minutes from Philly and there are great food opportunities. And yeah, I like to go do lunch with coworkers. BUT I realize that I cannot keep this up. It’s not who I want to be, it’s not me. I want to be happy with my weight again, fit into my jeans again, gain control again!

Today I set new goals on Sparkpeople:

20 lbs to lose by February 1, 2013 emoticon

I originally wanted to do it for my birthday March 9, 2013. But I want the challenge. I am making my calendar for the next 2 months with exercise, printing out new vegetarian dinner and lunch recipes’ (because man I am in a RUT with that!), and figuring out my plan of attack.

I can do this!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I found your blog on the Busy Bees sparkteam. It's nice to see I'm not the only one still around and still trying to make it happen. I've been back and forth on Spark ever since 2008 and gained and lost over and over too. This July I made up my mind to get real about my weightloss again. I've been on the Spark ever since and am losing, but slowly. I blame my age. I wish you much success in being the size you desire in 2013! I hope to be in ONE-derland in 2013 (under 200 pounds).
    3050 days ago

    emoticon in advance on your emoticon
    3051 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.