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Can't get over or under it.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

My sister-in-law who lives out of town paid a rather quick unplanned visit and stayed over for several nights. She was here to see her alcoholic father who had fractured his neck in a drunken fall. Also my husband's father and he has had the brunt of taking care of him during this yet another crisis. Her life has not gone the way she planned it her daughter has bipolar disorder coupled with severe alcoholism and her husband is also a severe alcoholic. They no longer can afford to live in their home so she has moved to a very small basement suite with a hot plate. Really, she has moved away from her husband and daughter because she can't stand to watch them destroy themselves. I have a lot of empathy for her and the last time she left her husband she stayed with us for two weeks. I believe she has now seen a therapist for some help with dealing with this.

Knowing all this, I still can't get past a comment she made to me. She has quite an acid tongue and completely out of context she said, "You are average you know!" My husband responded saying, "I think Wendy is extraordinary!" I said, "Sometimes average is good, things go well and there's no drama!" Then we left it at that. However, I don't seem to be able to have closure. Part of me wants to let it go because she has enough problems. The other part of me wants to tell her off for being mean. Nobody likes to think of themselves as an average Joe or Jill. Something inside us all wants to feel special and important in some way. I am mad at myself because it is renting space in my mind. Why can't I just shelve this careless remark? It was meant to wound and I like a fool let it and keep letting it wound me more.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's difficult to not allow comments to rent space in your mind. It's hard to tell what she meant by that but I would be upset about it too.

    I don't think you are average. I think you are kind and caring .You give great advice and you are a great leader and an excellent pepper. You are encouraging and you don't judge others. You work hard to reach your goals and you are making great progress. I don't think anyone could say the same about an average Joe or Jill. :)

    emoticon Reffie, you rock! :)

    2955 days ago
    What she said was down right mean but, she's really sad and hurt. Look at you with all your Spark friends, dear husband, health , and home. Sadly, not everyone knows how to really be happy for others. And for the record, there is NOTHING wrong with average. However, you don't have to own it. That's her opinion.

    I think you are simply fabulous!!!! I'f you're "average" you'd totally screw up grading on a curve for the rest of us.

    emoticon emoticon
    2956 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/20/2012 11:16:22 PM
  • DEBBY4576
    Do you know how much she deep down wishes she was average with an average family? I bet that might be what she meant. Even so, her words were meant to hurt. She has had so much hurt herself, she is angry that you have a normal life. She'll recover herself someday with the help of that therapist. And when she does, tell her what she said, and ask her what she meant by it.
    2956 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13027320

    Wow, I am really sorry to hear this. I wonder if your sister in law meant "average" as a way of saying "normal". In any case, a comment like this would hurt me too.

    I say this with all sincerity, Reffie....you are so much more than average, to my heart.
    You are as far from average as they come.

    2956 days ago
    I agree with your husband, you are extraordinary! And you know what, God thinks so too!
    " For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13-14 (NASB)"
    Average? Bah! emoticon
    And by the way, what a hero you have in your husband! emoticon
    2956 days ago
    Maybe tell her that she should not throw stones when she lives in a glass house herself. Maybe then she will get the message not to put you down and that she is her taking care of her problems.
    2956 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12236521
    Not to defend your sister in law, but this sounds like an attempt to tell you she is envious of you. She is envious since you "don't" have all the drama. Of course, we all have drama in our lives, but she feels her life has so much more because of her situation. The difference here is that you choose not to have all the drama and she chooses to stay in it.

    By saying "average", she is comparing what she believes your life to be compared to hers. She may think you have succeeded at reaching the "American dream" and she has not. I think it's a somewhat backhanded compliment- you have everything you want but look at poor little me type of situation.

    I know how much those little barbs hurt, but just consider the source. She is trying to make you as miserable as she is.
    2956 days ago
  • SUNSHINE99999
    Trying to bring you down to bring herself up. Shame on her for those unkind remarks. Good for hubby to quickly come to your self esteem. I sure hope the therapist will help her tame the tongue. The tongue is an evil weapon and can be very difficult to control. I took a class once when dealing with anger and the instructor was the person who wrote the book. He said "you are responsible for your own anger as you decide to be angry over others comments and actions" So, I had to learn to and still am to rise above people's comments and focus on the fact that God made me special. emoticon
    2956 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12961730
    Sometimes those hurtful comments tend to stick around, believe me I still have comments from years ago renting space. I dont know how I can help you because I have many of those issues but I am here to listen and help by being here for you.
    2956 days ago
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