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Cognitive Dissonance

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Is it possible to be ashamed of oneself yet proud at the same time? Or am I just suffering from Sybil syndrome? Since starting this journey almost a year ago I have lost 44 pounds. I have currently backtracked and gained 2 pounds. So, I have lost 42 pounds and although I have been at this weight for several months I have held it. I can honestly say after all the years of yo yo diets it is nice to hold onto a number and stabilize there. I might venture to say I am proud that I have done this.

I am also ashamed that I am doing this. In spite of upping my exercise, I am still snacking on sweet treats at night. I am back to that bad habit. They are tracked, and in moderation but still not that good for my body. Why do I do all that exercise, watch what I eat until about 5pm and then spoil it? I am particularly ashamed when I read blogs from others who have been so healthy and because of metabollic reasons do not lose or even gain. Why do I not want my goal badly enough? I haven't the answers yet, only the questions. I want to eat better. I go for my annual physical on Nov. 28, also it will mark my one year sparkpeople anniversary. I want to feel proud of myself when I go. I just have to start eating cleaner and I don't know if I have the will. I will do this!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 1EMMA2011
    There's nothing wrong with staying right where you are for a bit and adjusting to your success. Learning how to maintain is important so maybe enjoy where you are for a while because I know that when you are ready it will be full steam ahead. You are amazing and deserve to be proud of this significant achievement. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2955 days ago
  • 75HEALTHYME
    You have received really good supportive comments..
    I hope you will stop beating yourself up... it will just make you feel worse and maybe send you into a sweet evening overload. You know how to change your habits... the proof is the weight you have lost. Somehow you lost your grip on your new habit, But I have FAITH in you that you will find your way through this battle, and come out on the other side SUCCESSFUL !!
    2958 days ago
  • WINNINGBATTLE
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2958 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12613737
    I feel like I could just write "ditto" to Sue's comment. You have every right to be proud and you should be proud! This battle we have with food is not easy to overcome, it took us years, some times decades, to get where we were when we started. Even if you are eating sweets in the evening, you are tracking them..bet you weren't a year ago. Conscious eating is huge and you are doing it, if you want to eliminate those sweets, work on it slowly. I think you are on the right track by asking the questions of why you are eating them, do they give you comfort? Is it just wanting something sweet after a meal? Look at the reasons, try substitutes, try a bit of exercise instead of the sweets, try a soak in the tub or logging onto Spark and writing a blog, you will figure it out and you will reach your goal. There is no room for shame on this journey, it only complicates things and causes us to doubt ourselves and become frustrated, so chase that shame away and remind yourself of all the reasons you have to be PROUD!!
    emoticon
    2958 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13027320


    Don't be too hard on yourself, Wen. When you are ready you will make all of the necessary adjustments. You have come a long way and have every right to be proud.
    You have no reason to feel ashamed- you are exactly where you need to be at this moment in time, on your journey.
    2958 days ago
  • CINDYAST
    42 pounds is awesome! emoticon
    Don't sell yourself short on that accomplishment!
    I think that just by recognizing that you've slipped into an old habit and you want to change it, is the first step. emoticon
    2958 days ago
  • DEBBY4576
    I felt like I wrote this. I am so close to goal, and all I can say is that I've maintained for many many months, The biggest difference is how much you have lost girl. I have lost 25, but most of it before I ever found this site. Then I've bounced in a 5-9 pound range. Always panicking when I hit 139. I have a problem with eating after 10 and after I've been asleep a half hour. I don't know how to break this. We will though. Yes, we WILL!!!
    2958 days ago
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