Thursday, October 25, 2012
Is it possible to be ashamed of oneself yet proud at the same time? Or am I just suffering from Sybil syndrome? Since starting this journey almost a year ago I have lost 44 pounds. I have currently backtracked and gained 2 pounds. So, I have lost 42 pounds and although I have been at this weight for several months I have held it. I can honestly say after all the years of yo yo diets it is nice to hold onto a number and stabilize there. I might venture to say I am proud that I have done this.
I am also ashamed that I am doing this. In spite of upping my exercise, I am still snacking on sweet treats at night. I am back to that bad habit. They are tracked, and in moderation but still not that good for my body. Why do I do all that exercise, watch what I eat until about 5pm and then spoil it? I am particularly ashamed when I read blogs from others who have been so healthy and because of metabollic reasons do not lose or even gain. Why do I not want my goal badly enough? I haven't the answers yet, only the questions. I want to eat better. I go for my annual physical on Nov. 28, also it will mark my one year sparkpeople anniversary. I want to feel proud of myself when I go. I just have to start eating cleaner and I don't know if I have the will. I will do this!