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Men.... What r they thinking.. Or do they think??

Monday, December 03, 2012

I am sure there are woman out there who don't use their brain to the fullest potential either but... Today my issue is with a man. Not just any man, my husband. My companion, my supporter?
My birthday is just a few days away, the kids wanted to give me my presents early.... I got a really comfy/cozy set of PJ's and a package of those new JUMBO sized Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Now these cups are my weakness, they are my favorite all time ever candy!!
I open it up, and my kids are expecting this happy dance reaction... I had to fake it the best I could as to not break precious hearts, while on the inside I am cringing and crying and thinking, how in the world could he buy this? Does he not want me to feel better about myself, to get the healthier/happier me back?
I buy a Wii fit and he buys me candy. He thought I wanted it.... Of course I do! But eating this way is what got me this way. He loves me the way I am, he says. I said, thank you honey, but I don't love me the way I am. I cannot take care of myself the way I want to, which means I cannot take care of my family the way I NEED to. So now that I know I don't really have his support.... Depression. He was that one person, the one adult I see, to help me through. Other then random comments and such from a website... I guess I go this alone, fighting not just for health, but to have actual real life/true time support.
Bring on Monday, bring on December and Christmas and the Joys of the world that go with it! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My husband does this with movie nights. He'll buy me peanut better cups because I like them. I just enjoy one and pass the rest to him.
    2976 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your disappointment. It's a balancing act for both of you. You want support but not drill sargent orders or comments that make you feel he's the food & exercise police. He wants to encourage you, but doesn't want you to think he will only love you when you get to your goal. So many ways for both of you to get tangled in each other's expectations.

    Many men have a hard time trying to think of things for their children to get Mom. Perhaps your child knew you loved those and really was the push behind getting that particular gift.

    I recommend a CALM discussion with your husband that puts both of you on the same page with the same goals. You two can make your marriage supportive and cooperative rather than adversarial. Don't give up - it's worth it!
    2977 days ago
    We did chat about it.... And it is just his personality, encouraging the kids to think about gift giving! I guess I should be happy he remembered! We have so many birthdays the first weeks of December... Then Christmas.
    And I know that just because they are there doesn't mean I HAVE TO EAT them. Granted they are about a pound a piece! Lol so eating one in a sitting shouldn't be an option for anyone, :D
    I am not s cold turkey kinda person. I think if you cut it out, but your heart really wants it, you will overindulge... So treats are nice.
    2977 days ago
    Happy birthday! I liked Matt's response, it makes a lot of sense. You have made a lot of progress, and along the way you have had to make some changes. Part of the give and take is communication with your DH. It may take a few missteps (like the bag of candy) but you can help him figure out better choices, just like you have had to learn better choices. And, if he is anything like me, subtle hints won't work. Sometimes you just need to be upfront (without being confrontational about it, he is trying to do something nice, it just didn't work as planned).

    As you talk, you should be able to sense if he feels threatened by a new, skinnier, healthier you. If that is the case, he may be passively trying to sabotage your efforts. Your reassurance (through your words and acts) that the changes in your life don't change your love and commitment to him may help stop this behavior.

    Good luck!
    2977 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6599363
    ITSMATT said it perfectly. They were just trying to bring you joy. Once they fully understand what brings you joy now - that will change. Please hang in there and we ARE here for you. I hope talking it out is helping.

    emoticon emoticon
    2977 days ago
    Hey there. You don't know me. I'm just one of those random comments on a website but I wanted to encourage you a bit this morning. I hope you'll let me. And I apologize in advance for the length... brevity isn't my strong suit.

    This isn't a male/female thing. It just happens to be that your spouse is a guy, that's all. And the thing is that this is a change not only for you but him too. It is. I've been in the same boat - my lovely bride has bought me 1 pound bags of Twizzlers (my particular downfall) before from the kids because everyone knows I like them. They didn't buy those to fatten me up or to encourage me to be obese. I know they didn't. They bought them because they assume it brings me joy.

    And on one level it does. It *is* the thought that counts.

    On another level, it's a huge temptation.

    Be THRILLED that he loves you the way you are. I know a lady who spent lots of cash trying to become the woman her now ex-husband wanted her to be. A lot of plastic surgery, implants, etc. He didn't love her for who she was. That's sad. And she thought she needed to change her appearance - weight wasn't an issue, just her appearance - to make this jerk happy. She wasn't happy, I guess, with who she was.

    Maybe your husband doesn't see that this means a lot to you. Maybe you haven't adequately communicated this to him. Have you? You should if you haven't. You two need to be on the same page. You two are a team. A team for life. Talk to each other and work through this. Be a team.

    As to the tempting peanut butter cups. You know, those things are likely to tempt you for a really long time. Why not decide to actively work one of them into your life? I know this is hard - BELIEVE ME, I KNOW - but it absolutely CAN be done. Those things are what? 200 calories or so? Maybe once in awhile you decide that you'll have one - ONE - and you savor it. Eat it slowly and enjoy it. Get one out and put the rest away. Tell yourself that you don't eat the whole bag. That you don't eat 10 of them or 5 of them or even two of them. You eat ONE and you only do that when you've budgeted it into your daily calorie target value.

    You've got to create an alternative to the default "let's go hog wild and eat 6 of them" (just a guess... that's probably what I'd do) brain program that will run because it is triggered by the sight, sound, smell of the chocolate and peanut butter. You've got to create a rule for yourself. Something like "I eat one of these because I like them but I know that they are fattening and tempting and eating more than one isn't good for me." Put that thought in your brain and remember it. Hold fast to it. Use it.

    I like pizza and burgers and fries and ice cream. From time to time I'll have those things. But only when I'm actively deciding to eat those things.

    Be an active eater.

    Communicate with the hubby.

    Be strong. You are strong. Stronger than you think.

    And hey...

    Make it a great day!
    2977 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/3/2012 8:46:48 AM
    I say thank you dear then bring them to work & give them away. I like to think they do try.
    2977 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10016512
    Mine does this to me occasionally. I say thank you, I enjoy the treat and build my calories around to stay in goal and then remind him he killed my calorie count for day and I would much rather him surprise me with a box of granola bars or a snickers marathon bar. They are men and do silly little things that are supposed to make us feel better. Don't come down to hard on him he just had a little bump in the road and it will sink in with time that hey my wife prefers celery with her peanut butter now. PS...Happy Birthday
    2977 days ago
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