Guilt and Chocolate
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Much of my relationship with food is based on my emotions, there's no doubt about that.
At the end of December I finally finished school. I'm now in the process of looking for a teaching job. I came to the decision a long time ago that when it comes down to finding a job, if there was one offered in my district I would take it - but otherwise, I'm leaving the state. And even then, it would only be out of convenience. After all, moving is a huge hassle, and as far as Michigan goes, Ann Arbor is a pretty great place. But when it really comes down to it, I want to leave the state. I've never enjoyed cold weather. In fact, I rather hate it.
Now, leaving Michigan isn't an entirely easy decision. I'm close to my family. My brother and sister in law are expecting a baby in April, and I'll finally be an auntie! It is heart breaking to be so far away, especially when I know I have a little nephew coming. But, I know that if I'm really going to be happy in my life I need to push myself and move out of my comfort zone.
So, I've been doing research, and Dallas looks wonderful; the jobs appear plentiful, the teacher salary schedule looks promising, and it's a big city with warm temperatures! But it's about 1200 miles away from my family.
Now, I've made no secret of the fact that I want to move. My parents have known this. But I guess now it's a lot more real. So tonight I had a conversation with my mom where she laid an incredible amount of guilt on me. She keeps telling me that I'll never get to see my nephew. And she wants to see me more than 1 week a year. And she can't tell me she'll be happy for me if I move, because she doesn't want to see me only 1 week of the year. Ugh.
So I hung up the phone, and all I could think about was chocolate. I managed to go a couple of hours. I figured the fact that I had no chocolate in my apartment, that I'm in my pajamas, and that I'm completely unwilling to lose my parking space to run up to the grocery store would keep me safe. And then I remembered the brownie mix in my cupboard.
Last Easter my sister in law made a jar of "Bunny Brownies" mix for me - One of those jars where you have all the dry ingredients inside it, all cute and everything. At the top was the chocolate and the brown sugar and that stuff. Around that were bunny peeps. And at the very bottom were a whole bunch of Easter M&Ms. And let me tell you, I wanted those M&Ms like nobodies business. So I opened it up, poured all the mix and the bunnies into the garbage, and scarfed down on M&Ms.
I really need to find better ways to deal with my emotions...