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Guilt and Chocolate

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Much of my relationship with food is based on my emotions, there's no doubt about that.

At the end of December I finally finished school. I'm now in the process of looking for a teaching job. I came to the decision a long time ago that when it comes down to finding a job, if there was one offered in my district I would take it - but otherwise, I'm leaving the state. And even then, it would only be out of convenience. After all, moving is a huge hassle, and as far as Michigan goes, Ann Arbor is a pretty great place. But when it really comes down to it, I want to leave the state. I've never enjoyed cold weather. In fact, I rather hate it.

Now, leaving Michigan isn't an entirely easy decision. I'm close to my family. My brother and sister in law are expecting a baby in April, and I'll finally be an auntie! It is heart breaking to be so far away, especially when I know I have a little nephew coming. But, I know that if I'm really going to be happy in my life I need to push myself and move out of my comfort zone.

So, I've been doing research, and Dallas looks wonderful; the jobs appear plentiful, the teacher salary schedule looks promising, and it's a big city with warm temperatures! But it's about 1200 miles away from my family.

Now, I've made no secret of the fact that I want to move. My parents have known this. But I guess now it's a lot more real. So tonight I had a conversation with my mom where she laid an incredible amount of guilt on me. She keeps telling me that I'll never get to see my nephew. And she wants to see me more than 1 week a year. And she can't tell me she'll be happy for me if I move, because she doesn't want to see me only 1 week of the year. Ugh.

So I hung up the phone, and all I could think about was chocolate. I managed to go a couple of hours. I figured the fact that I had no chocolate in my apartment, that I'm in my pajamas, and that I'm completely unwilling to lose my parking space to run up to the grocery store would keep me safe. And then I remembered the brownie mix in my cupboard.

Last Easter my sister in law made a jar of "Bunny Brownies" mix for me - One of those jars where you have all the dry ingredients inside it, all cute and everything. At the top was the chocolate and the brown sugar and that stuff. Around that were bunny peeps. And at the very bottom were a whole bunch of Easter M&Ms. And let me tell you, I wanted those M&Ms like nobodies business. So I opened it up, poured all the mix and the bunnies into the garbage, and scarfed down on M&Ms.

I really need to find better ways to deal with my emotions...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD13082106
    You've worked hard for your degree. It's smart to go where the jobs are. The area I live in is insanely competitive to secure a contract in. I have a friend who completed her masters and felt lucky to get SUB jobs. There are well over 200 qualified applicants for every position that opens up here, so unless you are the principal's daughter or the superintendent's niece, you don't get a job here with a teaching degree. So if you can find some place that's warm and has lots of openings, that's awesome! I say go for it! Good luck. emoticon
    2634 days ago
    Moms are great at laying on the guilt, aren't they. LOL. I only moved an hour away and my mom made it seem like I moved to another country. Eventually, she did move closer to me however.
    Ugh! I can't even comment on emotional eating. emoticon dumping everything in the garbage except the m&ms. If it was me, I would have baked the brownies, set the peeps aside for my next emergency and ate the m&ms while waiting for the brownies to bake.
    I think it's awesome that you want to move away and discover new places. I hope you get the job of your dream and live someplace where it's always warm. I hate the cold, too!
    emoticon on finishing school.
    2638 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    As the mother of adult children (as well as a 9 year old, actually), including a daughter who is 22 and lives hundreds of miles from me, allow me to weigh in. It is YOUR life for you to live as you see fit. Unless your mother is financially supporting you, she doesn't really get a vote. You may wish to ask her this question: "do you/did you let your mother decide your major life decisions?" People seem to forget that, even when it is adults we gave birth to, that we need to keep in mind to treat them the way we wish to be treated. Planes travel both ways between Dallas and Ann Arbor. I have so much fun when I go visit my daughter in Portland. I miss her but that is because I love her. Missing people we love is just a fact of life for most of us. It makes the reunions all the sweeter. You may move to Dallas, stay for awhile, and decide you want to move back. But, it is your choice, no one else's. Soon enough, if you marry and have children, you will have to weigh every decision you make against other people's lives. This may be the most freedom you have as an adult. Enjoy it! PS Sweating out emotions is even more effective than drowning them in sweets, plus it has the added benefit of allowing us to sort through them and feel stronger at the end of the run or the walk or the hike or whatever sweaty endeavor we choose.
    2638 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13438759
    *hugs hun*.

    I am a pretty big emotional eater as well. I have been for years...and oddly, it's my mother who usually drives me to eat!

    You have to do what is best for you. Please don't allow anyone to take that away from you. I do understand how hard it can be though.
    2638 days ago
    I understand ! I am here for the same reason but you have to keep going. Bad day? Yes but it is over.

    Start again

    Let us know how you get on
    2639 days ago
    I'm an emotional eater too, so I understand where you are coming from. For me, I have to basically keep all tempting foods out of the house. While I am constantly working on finding better outlets for my emotions, it helps to not even have the temptations around. Best of luck you in both your lifestyle changes and your move/career.
    2639 days ago
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