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Phew! What Stinks?

Sunday, January 13, 2013

I know the answer to this blog's question, but I would love some comments on how to handle the situation other than what I have already done.
As most of you know, I run a small bingo (30-35 people) and most of them are seniors, although they now go from 19 to 97. We have men and women, skinny, fat, short and tall.
It will be nine years since I've run it and within that time we've had a lot of people go the the nursing homes or die. Only once in all these years did I ever have to kick anyone out and that was a couple that was in their 80's. Okay, Okay, wait a minute--I'm not a nasty ole broad. The man of this couple was a sweetheart and although in his 80's, his wife made him work. He'd take a bus for about 20 minutes so he could be a school guard. He did this twice a day. My problem was with the "lady". She had a mouth like a truck driver! Everything was give me my f-in money or don't touch my f-in cards. I was in awe, but my little seniors disliked that kind of language. So I told them they could not come back--I did give them a warning first and things didn't get better the next week, so they were gone. I felt line an as*, kicking two little old people out. But life went on.
On to my current problem. We have a senior center in the area and an older gentleman sat down next to these two women. The one he sat net to was just a little lady, the MIL of the other lady. The gentleman says, Phew, what stinks? MIL did not answer. He then asked her if she could smell that odor. She shook her head "yes". Then the other lady spoke up and said "it's me, I'm fat (about 450#) and I stink". The gentleman said nothing and moved.
Well, lucky me, Ms. Stinky, moved into my building and started to come to bingo. Now there's stink and there's STINK!!! And a "STINKER" she is! She has probably played with me for about 6 years then moved to Florida (Oh, happy day!) When she was with me for those 6 years, I repeatedly told her she has to clean herself up. In one ear and out the other. I bought her soap, a brush, a long handle thingie that you use after going to potty so you can reach everything, deodorant, baby powder, perfume and even some of my clothes that were big, but it never embarrassed her, or even shamed her a little. It was like she had no idea what to do with them. Again, I told her in plain English that she stunk and I told her husband. The following week she wasn't as bad, but you still didn't want to sit by her. I had one lady run to the bathroom one of the evenings because the smell made her sick. Don't you think that somehow this would sink in? I would be absolutely mortified if someone told me that I stunk!!
A few of us women got together and after bingo one night, made her "Queen for a day" and again gave her all kind of goodies to help her be able to shower or sponge bathe and reach all places necessary. And I even got her a cute nightie. We want her to feel like a woman and take care of herself. Again, to no avail. Well, she moved a year ago to Florida and we were all very happy that we were able to breathe again. She was there a year and came back again right before Christmas.
My first Bingo of 2013, 1/9, she comes into the hall and immediately starts a fight and is stinking to high heaven. I laugh about it now, but I felt like a referee, because I'm pounding the table and ringing my cow bell until she shut up. My nephew got me a little cow bell to ring when it's time to start bingo or if they just get too noisy. They listen well, it's like they are afraid of the bell. lol So, I talked to her the next day and told her she was not welcome any more, then after giving it some thought, I told her if she can learn to act like a lady and smell like a lady, her and her husband would be allowed back in after a few weeks. I told her if she can't clean herself, she has a husband to help and if not, they're are services that will come to the house a few times a week. Her husband said that he was going to set up something for someone to come in once a month. Once a Month!! Believe me, as smelly as* like hers needs a lot more attention than once a month!
So, my dear spark friends, I would like to hear from you on what else I could do to get her to change and if you were her husband, would you help or not?? Have any of you encountered this kind of problem and what did you do about it?

Thank you much! Noel emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • INFLATED
    She may have intertrigo. It is an itchy yeast infection between the folds of the skin and Yes, it stinks.

    I worked with a woman that had no disabilities and had no weight problem, but she just did not take care of herself. In that case, I don't know what you can do. At her weight, it would be difficult to cleanse after toileting and to reach her feet to wash them.


    2572 days ago
  • HARMMONIA
    There is another possible reason. Some ethic cultures do not wash as frequently as we do, and would not understand it if asked about the smell.

    I do believe that you did what needed to be done though. Tough thing to have to do. My sympathies.
    2725 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/9/2013 3:19:10 PM
  • no profile photo CD8830405
    Oh my. You have some kind and caring saintly followers, Noel.
    I feel bad for the lady because she is either mentally ill of sees no way out of her obese and old situation. That's sad. There's always hope, which rhymes with soap. I digress.
    You are very kind to be so sensitive.
    2782 days ago
  • EATVEGAN
    I think you did all you could, Noel, if people don't want to help themselves, there's not much you can do. For those who have mentioned occasionally getting a smelly rash in fat folds, I have occasionally gotten them, and I swear by 40% zinc ointment. Desitin is one and Walmart has an Equate brand that is similar. Make sure it is the 40% zinc one. I wash the rash area and put it on fairly thickly. The next day it is completely healed up. Voila! emoticon
    2812 days ago
  • RSTENNER
    You've done well, but you may have to take it a step further and see if there is someone that can give her a bath at least once a week. Soap and water go a long way, but it has to be an aide or someone that is use to dealing with the elderly. Leaving it to their own devices hasn't worked so far. Our hospital has a group called caring hands who go out to homes and give care to the elderly like baths, light housekeeping, etc. It would be great if it could be arranged for someone to go to them twice a week for the bath and be sure their clothes are washed. Gosh, I hope that if I "lose it" someday, that someone will see to it that I get a bath! emoticon
    2838 days ago
  • IOWAGRAMMA
    Well, my dear...wish I had some words of wisdom. Can't think of anything the others haven't already said except one thing...could part of it be her clothing? Some people never wash their clothes either and we all know how smelly some of those things can be. A number of years ago when I worked in a pediatric outpatient clinic, we had a cute little boy who always came into the clinic smelling like urine and unwashed hair, skin, etc. The mom was a little slow and we spent hours with her telling her how important it was that she bathe the little guy, why, how, etc. etc. She would be agreeable and nod and say yes...and never did. The Department of Human Services became involved with the family for other reasons, but honestly...she never did clean the kid! She just never got it. Always wondered what happened to him...and her. Bottom (pun intended) line is that you do everything under the sun to get people to change, but until they see the value in it, it just won't happen. It becomes a choice she makes and of course, you are well within your rights to ask her to stay home. It isn't fair to ruin the evening for everyone else. Good luck, hon!! Love, Jeannie
    2839 days ago
  • TXMEMAW6
    I agree with Jill, the lady must have mental issues. Her husband must not be much better either if he allows her to smell that bad. I think you have handled the situation better than I would have. I'm not sure I would have lasted as long as you did. I know you never want to kick someone out, but for the sake of all the others, you did the right thing. Take care and don't beat yourself up over this. Hugz, Sharon
    2840 days ago
  • JAOTAO
    Noel ... there could be many reasons from uncleanliness to a yeast problem - candida, which must be dealt with from within and without. She really needs a doctor ... Also a Gold Bond Roll Friction Defense for in-between the fat folds can help immensely as long as she is being clean and eating healthier. Sometimes it is just about body chemistry and pH balance. Especially if she has a lot of fat folds.

    Other than that, yes you did the right thing in warning then barring her for the sake of the community.
    2840 days ago
  • JILL313
    Noel, to me it sounds like this lady who stinks must have some kind of mental problem. Like you I would also be mortified if anyone ever said I had an unpleasant odor. It's like she's not in her right mind or she would definitely do something especially since you've been so kind to have given her things to clean herself up with. Even if she only showered once a week she wouldn't stink. How old is this couple? Like Lise said my Mom only took a bath and did her hair once a week with the help of her caretaker and she never smelled bad. If she's not responding to your request I can't understand why her husband wouldn't try to help her be clean. Given the situation with others offended by her smell and loud ways I think you have every right to give them a warning and if they don't respond tell them there no longer welcomed at Bingo. After all the other Bingo people shouldn't have to sit there by her when the air is stinky as they have the right to have a pleasant experience not spoiled by her.. .. .If they ask you later on you'll have to hold your breath and give her the "smell test"

    Love You,

    Jill

    2840 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12756725
    I think you told her the right things.......couldn't be plainer in my opinion! emoticon
    2840 days ago
  • ESILBO
    OMG. DEAR NOEL, I AM WITHOUT WORDS OR IDEAS TO HELP. I THINK YOU DID ALL THERE WAS TO DO.
    IS THERE A PLACE TO REPORT THEM SO THEY CAN GET HELP, LIKE WHEN YOU REPORT ABANDONED OR ABUSED CHILDREN. SOME KIND OF SOCIAL SERVICE.

    I WISH I COULD HELP YOU MORE. MY MOM IS THE OPPOSITE, SHE KEEPS HERSELF SO CLEAN, SHE GETS RASHES. BUT SHE SMELLS GOOD, AND THEY GIVE HER A BATH ONLY ONCE A WEEK.

    TAKE CARE SWEETIE
    LOVE
    LISE
    2841 days ago
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