The One Where: I Want to Throw My Scale Out of the Window
Monday, January 21, 2013
My relationship over the past couple of weeks has played out much like you would expect on a sitcom. Except I'm naked, since that means less weight, and I don't think the character would be naked on a sitcom. Unless this were a European sitcom. Then maybe.
I step on the scale. I step off. I go pee. I step on the scale again. I step off, and step on again, but this time making my whole body go limp because tightening any muscles may cause more weight. I step off, take a deep breath, and release it just as I step on again.
I weigh myself every day. Sometimes every hour. And as seen in this description, sometimes I manage to do it several times in 1 minute. You know, just in case that 17 seconds was 17 seconds of burned calories. And besides, stepping on and off of the scale is totally exercise, right?
Here's the problem. Okay, here's one of the many problems: I have become obsessed with that number on the scale. So obsessed that I put off eating because I want to weigh myself again in a little bit, and I don't want food in my belly to add to the weight. So obsessed that I get frustrated or heart-broken if I fluctuate a little bit. I want that lowest number, and if I go up a little bit because things fluctuate, as humans do during the day, I'm angry.
Now, don't tell me that's a terrible thing to do. Don't tell me I'm doing something stupid. Don't lecture me in the comments about this. Is it dumb? Yes. Do I realize this? Yes. Is it something that probably most people trying to lose weight have done? Absolutely. Watching that number drop is fun, and exciting. And we want to see more of it.
But, logically I know it's not going to be consistent doing it this way. Logically I know that bodies fluctuate in weight through the day, and from day to day, and throughout the month. Logically I know that since I'm working out, I may (should) be adding muscle, and that will change my number. Logically, I know that after a particularly intense workout I may have muscles that have torn and are holding in more water. Logically, I know that the number on the scale does not necessarily indicate how well I'm doing. Logically, I know that the number 30 seconds after that last number definitely does not indicate how well I'm doing.
So logically, I've put my scale away. It's grounded, and not allowed to come out and play for a week. And then we'll see if after that he is able to get along better with others.