I have literally been stuck in a rut for a while. I've been training but a little inconsistently, and my nutrition, well... let me just admit that I have gained 20 lbs since last summer. I am really not proud of myself. I had lost 45 lbs, and now 20 of them are back. No, I am not proud!
I have been here and done that before! Lose weight only to gain it back faster than I can realize. That's problem # 1! This time is different though. For the first time in my life, I am able to see the pounds grow on me. I can feel them... I can see them in the mirror! Major improvement compared to before, when I would do everything possible to hide and deny the facts and the pounds. THAT, I am proud of, because I really believe that it's solution # 1: awareness, truth, reality, acceptance.
Other problem: my health. I have had a ton of medical exams in the past year, and all of them point in one direction: lose weight. I have a small fracture on a vertebrae in my lower back. Yep, it hurts! Solution: lose weight AND stay active.
I am so tired and deprived of energy all the time. Solution: eat better and lose weight.
My feet hurt: Of course with the amount of extra weight on my body! Solution: lose weight!
I have frequent headaches. Solution: eat better and lose weight!
I snore a little. Solution: lose weight!
I have summer clothes that no longer fit me but that I would really like to wear next summer. Solution: lose weight!
I have a hard time running. Solution: keep moving and lose weight!
And I could go on and on!
Which leads me to one very important and very pertinent question: WHY, OH WHY am I not losing the weight once and for all????!!
It's a good question, and I could name a ton of excuses why I'm not doing it for good! But apart from the fact that it's not easy, the absolute true answer is that I am not disciplined and I am afraid! Afraid of what? Afraid of succeeding, or not succeeding, afraid I will not be able to eat the things that I really like, which by the way are the very things that make me gain weight! Afraid of feeling deprived and miserable, etc.
So yesterday I was writing about that in my journal when my husband came into the room. We started talking about how frustrated I am with myself for not losing the weight and having gained 20 lbs, and he made a very wise comment, one that would have really made me mad in the past! He said: are you really grabbing the bull by the horns?? If you really want to lose the weight, are you doing everything in your power to make it happen? And of course the answer was a resounding NO! I'm not doing everything in my power to lose the weight.
So there, simple like that! I see and feel the extra weight, I don't like it, yet I am not acting on it!
I took the rest of the day yesterday to think about it, and I decided that if I am unhappy with the way I am and feel now, the only option I have is to get out of my rut and do something! So I made a clear, short-term plan, and it goes like this:
1- I registered for a 5k race which will happen on April 28. Exactly 3 months from today. I am aiming for a time under 35 minutes. To make it happen:
2- I will follow my training plan consistently and to the letter. That, I am not worried about, I like to work out.
3- I will eat proteins at every meal and reduce my carbs to no more than 1/4 the amount of food on my plate.
4- I will reduce my portions to NORMAL portions!!! (DUH!)
5- I will drink 8 cups of water per day.
6- I will NOT focus on the weight! I find worrying about the number on the scale takes my focus away from the real things: exercising and eating right.
7- For every day that I am successful at meeting my goals, I will put 1$ in a jar. In 3 months, I will have enough money to register for my next race and buy myself something pretty! Can't wait!
I usually plan my workouts for the week at the beginning of every week, that way I know when to work out and I am much more likely to train. So that's settled. As for my nutrition, it's up to me and only me to make the necessary changes. Grab the bull by the horns, and don't be scared of getting hurt!
So that's my short-term plan for getting out of my rut. I'll see where that takes me! I'll blog my progress as I move along the next 3 months!