Feeling depleted & defeated.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
One of the most difficult things about my health problems is the fatigue. The pain is hard to deal with, but the fatigue... well, the fatigue makes me depressed. For a long time I could overcome the pain; I could push through it. That behaviour eventually took a toll on my health, but at least I got things done.
Right now I'm so limited in what I'm capable of doing, it's kind of like I'm back to all work and no play. Keeping up with basic household tasks from dishes, to scooping kitty litter, to daily needs of showering or laundry, it's ALL I can do. Now don't get me wrong, if I had kids and I was a stay at home mom, then I'd be okay with it. I think there is a lot to be proud of when you stay at home with your kids. It makes a difference in their lives. On the other hand, it doesn't make much of a difference to my cats.
I'm just not this type of person. I want to be working, making a difference somewhere in the world. Putting up dishes for the millionth time just doesn't do it for me. And what's sad is that it's usually too much for me. So I'm sitting here trying to muster up enough energy to do crap I hate & gives me next to no satisfaction. This doesn't help my mentality at all.
I know you're supposed to be okay with limitations, you're still doing something, things are supposed to get better, blah blah blah. I don't want to hear any of that because it doesn't work - it doesn't make me feel any better. The bottom line is I'm just not this kind of person. I'm not happy being at home watching TV all day, regardless of circumstances. I hate it.
I'm trying to lose weight so I feel better, or my doctors will be able to look at my case without being blinded by my weight. I'm doing everything I can; nevertheless, there are still days that suck. Today is one of them.