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In order to succeed you first must be true to yourself.

Friday, March 08, 2013

Okay... I'm throwing all my cards out on the table. Being as completely honest with myself as well as with all of you. By doing so, I'm hoping to accomplish all the things I need to in my weight loss goals.

1. I'm an emotional eater. When I get stressed, depressed, upset, even overly happy... I eat and I'm not talking - oh lets party and have an apple. I'm talking pass me the cheese fries doused in sour cream and bacon.

Because of that... I've put on massive amounts of weight so far this year. On Feb. 3rd my dad had finally passed away. The weeks, months and even the past year leading up to his death was hard on me. Not only was I able to reconnect with someone I honestly thought hated me, he bestowed the most amazingly beautiful gift to me. He gave me the opportunity to gain closure. I had one full week I took off of work and sat with him before he passed away... and it was the most amazing experience of my life. On his final day speaking to us... he used up all of his energy, all of his strength to hold my hand and look me in the eyes and say, "Jenni, I love you, I've always loved you, and will always love you. Please remember this. You will always be my little girl." After he said that, he completely stopped talking and basically fell into what we would like to call a coma. He was breathing, but he would not respond to our touches, our voice, or anything other.
He fought his cancer long and hard, but once it reached his brain he knew he was done for. It's been a month already and I'm still struggling with his loss.
My brother and I were given the rights to his home and have since put it on the market to be sold and have been cleaning out his house. My heart is heavy looking through his belongings and seeing all the little things he had kept that were mine from when I was little. It is a beautiful gift.

In turn... I've been skipping my meetings with my nutritionist. Not because I don't want to go... but, because of other engagements with dad's funeral, his house obligations, and now ... my family is house hunting ourselves.

I'm praying to get my life back in order soon... but, my life has seemed off for the past few months. As though I've got far too many things going on and I can't keep up.

My gym membership was also put on hold in November... and that will be reinstated on March 15th... so, I'm really hoping to get back into the swing of things.
March 20th I have my next appointment with my nutritionist as well as a physical that day. So, I'm hoping to have everything checked out and squared away.

Some other symptoms and unusual feelings as of the past year... (could be due to stress, anxiety, or just my poor eating habits) but, I've been feeling more winded, more stomach pains, vision is becoming blurry every once and a while and I get dizzy every so often too.

I've been checked for Diabetes... and I know I don't have that... and I'm sure I'm more than likely just dehydrated.... so, I need to up my water intake. But, really... all I'm saying is I need to overhaul my life and retake charge. I had felt like a million bucks when I was going to the gym every day and going to zumba class and eating healthier and constantly drinking water. It was the best I've ever felt and now... I feel like crap. I'm eating like crap, I'm drinking like crap and this needs to stop now. I'm putting my foot down and I'm going to get back on track.

I struggle often, and need your support to keep me going... so, please check in often... and lets do this!

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