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Ready for a Change

Monday, March 11, 2013

You know how sometimes you just know you're ready? Like the days when you can pop right out of bed well-rested? Or when a presentation feels just right? Or when you make a decision with no hesitation? I'm finally there.

For months, I've been slogging through the motions of being healthy. Walking the dogs, attending pilates classes, dragging myself off the couch just enough to stay mobile. Filling my pantry with the stuff I know I should so that it sneaks its way into my diet enough to counteract the many lazy pizza nights.

But boy have there been a lot of pizza nights. And I don't remember the last time I got up and worked out on a weekend morning because it felt good or I wanted to. And I've caved and stopped at Wendy's for lunch oh so many days. (goddamn nuggets)

And then there have been the excuses. No time. Too much stress. It's that time of the month. And yes--some of them have been legitimate. This hasn't been an easy year. A disc in my back is herniated. My husband had cancer (past tense, thank god--now we're just in a watch and wait phase). We bought a new house. And all that change and upset, good and bad, causes a lot of worry, excitement, tears and adrenaline that once I came down from, left me in a state of ugh. Like a slightly deflated balloon. Who eats too much pizza.

It was enough momentum to keep me from throwing away the progress I've made over the years. But not enough to move forward.

But over the last couple of weeks, I'm feeling like I'm ready to put time and effort into me again. To actually log into Sparkpeople again. To get up on a Saturday morning excited to move. To pack salads for lunch and feel good about what it's doing for my body.

I'm not sure what the switch is--the first signs of spring? the vacation I planned and having something to look forward to? Oh how I'd love to bottle it!--but it feels good, and real and lasting.

Here goes.
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