Renewal, Recommitment, Reality
Sunday, April 21, 2013
I can't even begin to touch on this last week here in Boston. I do feel the need to make a slightly selfish confession. Up until the bombs went off on Monday, I was having a fantasy all day about one day running the Boston marathon. Watching the runners start off right before I went to work, I began thinking about really running the race and how that accomplishment would feel. And then we heard about the bombings right as they happened; the lobby TV was on the live race overage. After that I put my little fantasy out of my mind and focused on this terrible event. My work had some employees volunteering in the medical tent, including our site directors. And then the Thursday night/all day Friday manhunt kept me home from work and glued to the TV worried about my friends and former coworkers in Cambridge and Watertown. I've been pretty unplugged from Sparkpeople all week and was beginning to feel like it wouldn't be the same once I came back.
But today I've been remembering that this whole weight-loss/life changing process is going to take however long it takes. I've only let myself think about it the same way I have in the past; as a specific route, a straight line from one weight one size to my goal numbers, completed in X number of months. I've thought about wanting to be a certain weight or size for my anniversary in June, or wanting to look a certain way this summer. I haven't let myself simply focus on what's to be done in front of me, and let go of the future. The future will be what it is; I can lay a good foundation for it now but I certainly don't have total control over it. Having a vision for the future is necessary to keep myself going through the tough times, but I'm realizing now I can't let that alone monopolize my thoughts and my focus.
I can only give my all to the day that's set in front of me when I get out of bed in the morning. By doing that, the future and all the rest will come along accordingly. I can't get down on myself that I may not be that exact weight in my vision of June. I can't distract myself from today, because that's all I have.