Okay, I finally bit the bullet

Well, I've been biting everything else, so I finally subscribed to an internet service. I have been relying on the free wi-fi in my building and it has become almost non-existent. That is why I haven't been Sparking lately, or it is the main reason. I'm glad to be back.

My first year of Spark has come to an end. It went great at first. I lost 40 lbs and arrived in Onederland in September. By November I had lost 51 lbs to hit 189. I felt great. I was starting to look good. I had a lot of clothes that I pulled out of storage could wear comfortably. I was getting a lot of compliments. I had joined a gym and was going pretty regularly.

Then things started going wrong. I had a friend who liked to eat out but didn't want to eat alone. At first I went out with him occasionally, which didn't hurt my weight loss, but then it got to be more frequent. Then the holiday parties, the gifts of chocolates, then the purchase of chocolates. I began to go out with other people for lunches and dinners, then I went out by myself. Now I hardly ever ate on my plan. It was easier to eat sandwiches or go out.

At first it wasn't noticeable. But then I began to see bigger bulges, especially in the midriff. I viewed them with alarm, but no change in habits. The scale was going up, but I didn't look at it very often, the news I could see in my body was even more alarming.

Now I'm viewing those bulges with horror. This morning I saw that I had put 40 lbs. back on. I have almost nothing to wear. I'm breathing hard if I walk very far. I have no energy and don't want to go anywhere. I'm not totally hibernating, but I have no ambition and no desire to do anything. I'm in a lot of mild to moderate pain, even when I'm sitting.

Today, I have drawn a line in the sand. I'm headed back to Onederland and beyond. I realize I'm not a helpless victim. I was willfully putting that food in my mouth. It was ME buying it at the store or the restaurant, and ME gobbling it down and looking for more. This is MY responsibility. I am not pitiful, I am powerful. And I'm going to beat this thing. I am woman, hear me roar!

Thanks to all of you who have continued to support and encourage me while I have been without internet. I started to name names, but you know I'd forget someone and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. You know who you are. I love you all.

I'm Sparking again!
Janet