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A Long Time Coming "AHA" Moment!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Of course last night was an usual night for me-I couldn't sleep--I think my mind doesn't want to shut off. Wouldn't it be great to have an on and off switch! So after finally getting my normal 3-3/12 hours of sleep, I was wide awake and decided to have myself my very own "Pity Party".
I started thinking about something that happened to me yesterday and although I know I did the right thing, I was still upset a little about it. For the last few years, I've been whining about wanting to be Number One in someone's life. The couple men I associate with may be single, but they have families, so there goes my number one position. I do have friends that love me, but again, their families are always first, as it should be. And being alone, having no children, therefore no grandchildren, I have no chance to be first in anyone's life.
So boohoo for me. I'll never feel like I'm good enough to be the most important person in anyone's life. Then I thought "aha"! I always have God and even though there are many of us, He lets us know that we will always be number one in His life. That thought consoled me--somewhat.
But then again, I had another thought. Who is the one person that is and always will be there for me, that I can completely trust even with my darkest secrets and maybe a few shady things from my past. Who will never judge me or talk behind my back about me. Instead, just love me unconditionally? Me, myself and I !! I have never thought of this before, because I find it very hard to love myself. Oh, don't get me wrong, there are a few things that I am very happy that God has given me. But, if I really, truly, loved myself, would I have let this happen to my body? How is it that the Lord gave me a beautiful temple and I destroyed it.
So, as of today, I am going to start to learn how to love myself. I will be good to myself by eating the right things and probably a few of the wrong things, but I am going to rebuild this temple. I will never have to worry again that I am not number one in someone's eyes, because I'll be number one in my own eyes.
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  • no profile photo CD12756725
    oops! I was gonna give you my favorite bible verse...I get very lonely too

    Psalm 73:25 Whom have I in heaven but thee.. and there is none upon the earth I desire besides Thee emoticon emoticon
    2643 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12756725
    Noel...I love you sweetie! God bless you! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2643 days ago
  • SUZRAI
    Great blog! I think there are many people who struggle with loving themselves (me too).
    emoticon Suz
    2643 days ago
  • CINDYCHARLENE
    A wonderful blog. I am reminded of the scriptures in Matt 22:36-40 paraphrased, "The first and great commandment is to love God with all your heart soul and mind and the second is like unto it, love your neighbor as yourself." On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. It stands to reason that if you keep these two commandments the rest will come automatically because you won't do anything that will hurt you and anyone else.

    Indeed the Lord does love you unconditionally. I wish you could just once taste of His love. I have and it changed my life forever. I thought a person had to die and come back alive to tell of the love they felt from the Lord they saw, before they could experience His love. Not so. I did not see Him but out of His great compassion and mercy He allowed me a moment in time to experience His infinite unconditional love, because I was so miserable, feeling so sorry for myself because even though I have a family I felt all alone because they were not 'one with me in the gospel'.

    That was 26 years ago and nothing has really changed except me. I am understanding better all the time that I will never be alone nor will I ever be the same. I have come to love myself and not hinge my self worth on whether or not my family is 'one with me in the gospel'.

    I know God is in control and will guide my every footstep toward Him and he has and is and I am greatly blessed because of the faith and trust I have been blessed with because of that incredible, indescribable experience. When I take my eye off him and that love, I fall. But when I keep my eye on Him and that experience I fly.

    You are on the right path my dear. God bless you.
    2648 days ago
  • DIANEDOESSMILES
    HI !! I have "adopted children" those who I chose to help along life's journey cos their own parents were someone neglectful along the way,,,, 2 of them were already grown up, but quite a bit younger than I am,,,, I had met them at church, but they were needing a Mom. I stepped in. Thru them (the 3 of them) I now have 4 grands,,,and well now they are also about all grown. While I am NOT #1 in "their" book,,,,,, when push comes to shove,,,,, it's a lovely thang. Have you thought of helping those who are younger than you,,,with a depression? Physcial handicap? Emotional issues? While it DOES take A LOT OUT OF YOU (DO NOT DO $$$ !! EVAH ! and SET HRs of when you can be reached),,,its also SUCH A JOY !!!!!! 2 of them refer to me as Mom. the other one does say "ur my Spiritual Mom and S,,,, (D's name) is ur Granddaughter,, ur the ONLY Grandmother she HAS !"

    So you CAN MAKE ur OWN family ,, cos sometimes life just does NOT turn out the way we want. Sure, sure, I have "wanted" to "Fall in love" and have,,,, but in the very last moment,,, I walked away from one,, the other,,, well it was me,,it wasn't him,,,,, but yeah. Life happens. So I am "still ,,, hmmmm its NOT right to say "Alone" for I AM NOT alone". As you said,,, I have Jehovah,, the BEST there is,,, once you have God,, ur NEVAH alone,,, ur H could sit in a chair,, fart,,, demand drinks/foods,,,and go to bed,,without caring to say "I love you" which a woman NEEDS. but God ALWAYS says "I LOVE YOU". My D's do not say that often, the GKids do as I do them,, though about all grown,,, and not around as they used to be. Still it's ENOUGH. As we get oldah,, life changes. Situations change,,, we change. Being HAPPY WITH OUT ur self being Happy WITH YOU ,,, well that doesn't work. so please be HAPPY WITH YOU !
    2651 days ago
  • IOWAGRAMMA
    Sending you emoticon and all my love emoticon You've written a beautiful piece, Noel, and I love what you've said!! emoticon
    2651 days ago
  • VTMAID
    That was a wonderful blog, Noel. You are right about loving yourself. As someone already said, we are all works in progress.
    Here's to the WIPs!
    Hugs,
    Karen
    2651 days ago
  • HONOURIA
    It's true that when you don't have your own children, or family, it's tough. I don't have any children - never had any, nor do I have family, as they have all passed away by now. But I did luck out with my husband. He is indeed a sweetie.

    My observation though is that that his two kids have wives and children and while they do on occasion call, he is really a side issue anymore. So having kids doesn't make you number one at all.

    If I hadn't met him, I would be exactly in your situation - and I was for 10 years. I think that it is high time you undertook to be number one in your own life and I am with you fixing the temple too, as I am doing that right now as well.

    Blessings.
    2651 days ago
  • NANCYPAT1
    Great blog and a fantastic message - until we learn to actually PRACTICE the love we talk so much about, it is really hard not to feel sorry for ourselves at times, but even when we don't feel sorry for ourselves, we put ourselves down, belittle ourselves, and generally treat ourselves as UNIMPORTANT. Love your AHA moment. Love yourself and put YOU first now. Life doesn't come with guarantees whether you have kids, grandkids, or a significant other - sometimes people just don't do the wonderful things that others describe and often the other people's significant others don't either.
    2651 days ago
  • JILL313
    Hi Noel, Great blog and new insight you have about yourself. Like others said even if we do have children or a significant other doesn't mean we mean more than other people in their life. I love your idea of working on loving yourself for who you are and believe me I'm also a work in progress there myself. I've been in love a few times but to be honest it seems to me before I know it after a few years they're not giving me much love, attention or showing much interest in me. Maybe my expectations for those guys simply is expecting too much of another person.. So unfortunately it seems we haven't had the real soul mate in our lives that others take for granted. I yearn for that but realistically I highly doubt now that's going to happen in my ripe old age. You are very loved by me my friend. I love you for who you are now irregardless of how you feel about yourself and I'm in the same boat as you are weight wise. I think it was Liz that had some profound comments and I like how she's falling in love with herself again and how doing yoga and meditation has helped her. I'm here for you my dear friend, so remember that and like Gail said you are one of the most Loved Ladies on our Team, so please remember your # Uno with us.

    Love You,

    Jill
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2652 days ago
  • MARATAMARA
    Hi dear Noel,

    It has been my experience that reflection and awareness are the first steps to change.

    By the grace of God, sounds like you are on the right path.

    Like others on this team who have known you much longer ,
    I cherish your friendship and am thankful for you. GBU

    Blessings emoticon
    mara





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    2652 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/22/2013 3:40:35 PM
  • LISBETHSALANDER
    I know what you mean, Noel. Believe me, having children and grandchildren does not make you the apple of their eyes. Everyone grows up and gets on with life if you have done your job right. I have been working on finding my true self since my husband died, and I have been doing meditation as part of Kundalini yoga. This worked for me to quiet my ever-chattering mind. It worked really fast, like within the first 3 weeks. In fact, this morning I was able to take an hour nap for the first time in about 6 years. I know it is because of the meditation. I hope you can find something that works for you. You will find that thinking of yourself as #1 will really help you to feed yourself healthy things both for your physical body and for your mind. Hugs to you.
    2652 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/21/2013 6:18:51 PM
  • TORTILLAFLATS
    Noel, Love yourself, I like that thought but I struggle with that too. And you are not alone because I love you too along with everyone else on this team. You are very special.

    Hugs, Gail
    2652 days ago
  • SPEEDY143
    What a wonderful day to have such a profound "AHA" Moment! emoticon Noel's 1st day of a summer filled with many moments of discovering just how important self love can be. For some reason we were raised in a generation that was taught to put everyone else first and we have suffered so for that mindset. It's OK to be happy... YOU deserve the best emoticon emoticon
    2652 days ago
  • JAOTAO
    Beautiful Noel ... you may have often heard me say that this journey of life is a song for myself. I do have a partner, but you can be lonely and not be alone lots of times. I applaud you to be the best you can be and number 1 in your eyes. You are tops in my book! Love, YOu, Jackie O'akley...
    2652 days ago
  • ESILBO
    dear sweet noel,
    i think like you right now, i want to take care of my body too. i have to learn to love myself too. i am right beside you.
    having children does not make you the first. they have women or men in their lives that became first.
    at the end, we end up with our own selves, unless you had the chance to meet your soul mate.
    tjis was not our lot, dear friend,,,lol
    take care and know that some people love you. i do
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2652 days ago
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