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zombie bog (chapet 2)

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Bad Idea's or How to get your self killed Quick

Well the worst of the worst happened. Zombies have over run the world. Or some natural disaster ( flood huricain tornado ect, )has happened. There are a few things you need to do to survive and more importantly NOT do If you want to live great! If'fn you don't, think of this as how to commit suicide by stupidity

Wallmart a.k.a. Suicide by Stupidity

Okay the z- apocalypse hits and you want to stock up fast. You say to your self "Who has most of what I want?" The top answer is Wallmart, target, Costco or any large dept store. Problem is your not the only person who thought this. Every body and their unprepared brother did to. So now your not only fighting the undead horde, but your fellow man is in a panic And he or she is more than willing to cap your butt for a roll of toilet paper. I can't stress how much having a stockpile of food and supplies is important.
First off it is way cheaper when people are not trying to clear the shelves in under two minutes. But you get what you want in the brand you want. If you think this is a silly thing to consider this. Remember that toilet paper you were about ready to kill for? Do you want cases of quilted soft two-ply that gets the job done. Or do you want the single ply John Wayne"? You know the kind that doesn't take "poop" from any body.

Look At What I Got

Telling people to prepare, and how to prepare for the end of the world is one thing. Showing off the nifty stuff is another. Show off your swag to everybody, and when the big Z hits and everybody will be at your door begging, pleading, and then killing your happy butt for everything you got.

I AM RAMBO!!!!! A.K.A The Mall Ninja

Buying a gun is one thing. But do you know how to use it? Do you have any martial arts training? How about first aid? Oh I see you bought and book saw a video once. I am sure you will do just fine *insert sarcasm here* Just because you have a working theory of something does not mean you can do it. You can easily shatter a breast bone of some one when giving them C.P.R. If you don't know what your doing. And as for self defence If you hit like a girl before, you still do. Take the classes. Learn PROPERLY what you need to know. If not please go out in to a field slather yourself in BIG sauce and shout "Here zombie zombie zombie!!" cause in effect that is what you working theory amounts too.

But I look Stupid!!

You got the training. You got the stockpile. and a defendable place to stay. Now you gotta go out and thin the zombies in your area. Unfortunately all you got to protect yourself is a leather jacket in hot pink that says boy toy. A girly dog collar to protect your neck and a set of BMX gear that has Bozo the clown on it. Not very tough is it. SO WHAT!!!!! You are not going out there to win a beauty pageant. Your going out there to make sure you don't wake up as a zombies midnight snack. What you wear or what you have to fight with has to be top quality not good looking. Besides after a few play dates with your undead friends and it will be covered in blood guts and other goop so who cares?

Eh I Don't Feel Like Exercising Today

Zombieland was right. Cardio, cardio,. When you run out of amo, and there is no hope but to either flee or fight, you need to be in shape! What good is swinging a hammer at one zombie skull when you'll just throw your back out. And while you have twelve more ready to devour you right behind it. Or what if you have more than you can fight, and can only run a hundred yards before you drop?
You need to be in good shape. If your over weight walk, run, do callosities anything! If a zombie has a preferred prey it is the slow and fat. it is easier to catch give them more food and ....well it's a tasty greasy nom to them. Be the food they can't catch. Don't plop on the couch eat a large bag of cheesy poufs and say you'll get to it tomorrow. because tomorrow you might be the the food.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JUSTME29
    Thriller - teehee

    You can break bones doing CPR properly too, so that's something to be aware of and mentally prepared for if you ever have to use your training in real life.

    WalMart would be my first thought - but then the second thought would be more along the lines that you're thinking. Everyone and their dog will be there, along with a million shoppers that were nearly zombies before and have now completed the transition.
    2751 days ago
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