I know I have alot of triggers that can do alot of damage. So everyday is kind of a challenge, except when I am sooooo in the zone that nothing can penetrate it, which is not the case right now. I love the zone, I love that feeling that nothing can get to me. That feeling however is fallacy.
Today I have 89 days of my new Paleo/Pool Plan, eating strict paleo and getting to the pool 5 days a week and exercising, including running in the water for 90-120 minutes a day.
I have not gone off the plan for even 1 meal, or even 1 bite. To do that is very dangerous for me, it is akin to an alcoholic who is told to take just one shot of booze, uhhhhhh NO thanks!
One is too many and a thousand is never enough, that is how it works for me, I cannot eat just one _________ food that is not on my plan.
So this all sounds very strong and very together, it is anything but. I am susceptible to shakiness like anyone, I get cravings, altho they are greatly diminished and I get triggered very easily.
So what triggers me? Alot of things, but what has been triggering me for a couple of the last weeks is sickness and pain. THIS IS THE WORST!!!
I know I want to comfort myself with just a little something when I feel sick and especially when I am in great pain, like I was on Friday, Saturday and Sunday with a tremendous earache. OMG!!!!
Here is how bad it got:
I ate a little dinner on Saturday night and threw up immediately and peed my pants. Yep!
No control whatsoever.
That was pretty bad alright, I just wanted to scream and cry all night long and I had food fantasies and thoughts and cravings like MAD!
And I kept asking for help and I prayed and I talked on the phone to real friends and I got thru it somehow. I also envisioned what it would be like if I gave in and started eating, and what I saw scared me alot.
I saw myself gaining back 20 pounds in a week (I know this can happen, I have done it before). I thought about how bad I would feel. I thought about having to go on dialysis, which is my future if I cannot lose more weight and get healthy.
Doing all of these things kept me out of the food that is steps away in my kitchen that my husband buys, luckily most is NOT sugar, but I could of really ruined things by what is in my kitchen alright. And it did not happen and I am not sure how, cause I had it bad.
So pain and discomfort are indeed my biggest triggers, I have now banked this experience of getting thru the worst of it, and that has to be a good thing. Now I know I can get thru ANYthing. I just have to use my tools, I have to ask for help and know it will be there, I have to see into the future and know how I would feel if I succumbed. It takes some doing but I think it is worth it.
Course probably the best thing is to not get into this circumstance to begin with, but I sure cannot control ear infections or kidney infections, which I still have both, but I also have the medicine which is helping me to manage the discomfort and to feel better. And I will follow my doctors orders too, this is the 3rd doctor visit and 2nd course of antibiotics, it will be 17 days of antibiotics when this course it over. That seems like alot to me, but if it works then great.
Cause I do not want to have to go thru something like this again, I am hoping for the zone again, and if I get it great and if not, I know what to do. The next right thing.
Honu in Hawaii