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JILLYMAUI

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Triggers

Friday, July 19, 2013

I know I have alot of triggers that can do alot of damage. So everyday is kind of a challenge, except when I am sooooo in the zone that nothing can penetrate it, which is not the case right now. I love the zone, I love that feeling that nothing can get to me. That feeling however is fallacy.

Today I have 89 days of my new Paleo/Pool Plan, eating strict paleo and getting to the pool 5 days a week and exercising, including running in the water for 90-120 minutes a day.

I have not gone off the plan for even 1 meal, or even 1 bite. To do that is very dangerous for me, it is akin to an alcoholic who is told to take just one shot of booze, uhhhhhh NO thanks!

One is too many and a thousand is never enough, that is how it works for me, I cannot eat just one _________ food that is not on my plan.

So this all sounds very strong and very together, it is anything but. I am susceptible to shakiness like anyone, I get cravings, altho they are greatly diminished and I get triggered very easily.

So what triggers me? Alot of things, but what has been triggering me for a couple of the last weeks is sickness and pain. THIS IS THE WORST!!!

I know I want to comfort myself with just a little something when I feel sick and especially when I am in great pain, like I was on Friday, Saturday and Sunday with a tremendous earache. OMG!!!!

Here is how bad it got:
I ate a little dinner on Saturday night and threw up immediately and peed my pants. Yep!
No control whatsoever.
That was pretty bad alright, I just wanted to scream and cry all night long and I had food fantasies and thoughts and cravings like MAD!

And I kept asking for help and I prayed and I talked on the phone to real friends and I got thru it somehow. I also envisioned what it would be like if I gave in and started eating, and what I saw scared me alot.
I saw myself gaining back 20 pounds in a week (I know this can happen, I have done it before). I thought about how bad I would feel. I thought about having to go on dialysis, which is my future if I cannot lose more weight and get healthy.

Doing all of these things kept me out of the food that is steps away in my kitchen that my husband buys, luckily most is NOT sugar, but I could of really ruined things by what is in my kitchen alright. And it did not happen and I am not sure how, cause I had it bad.

So pain and discomfort are indeed my biggest triggers, I have now banked this experience of getting thru the worst of it, and that has to be a good thing. Now I know I can get thru ANYthing. I just have to use my tools, I have to ask for help and know it will be there, I have to see into the future and know how I would feel if I succumbed. It takes some doing but I think it is worth it.

Course probably the best thing is to not get into this circumstance to begin with, but I sure cannot control ear infections or kidney infections, which I still have both, but I also have the medicine which is helping me to manage the discomfort and to feel better. And I will follow my doctors orders too, this is the 3rd doctor visit and 2nd course of antibiotics, it will be 17 days of antibiotics when this course it over. That seems like alot to me, but if it works then great.

Cause I do not want to have to go thru something like this again, I am hoping for the zone again, and if I get it great and if not, I know what to do. The next right thing.


Love

Jilly



Honu in Hawaii























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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KARENKANDO
    I always "medicate with food". I'm just like you - one bite is too much and a million is never enough! I'm just so incredibly proud of you for not caving in. You got through an incredibly difficult and challenging time. So when tempted in the future, just remember how you got through it when it was really rough. Hopefully the memory will keep you on your path. I wish you health and happiness - always.
    2826 days ago
  • JILLYMAUI
    Thank you SOOOO much for the support and kind words of wisdom, I cherish every single word!

    Yes as a kid I got 7-up and orange sherbert to eat when I was sick, and I got to lay on the couch and watch tv all day, while Mom was at my beck and call. Well that was decades ago and NO longer exists, altho my sweet husband can be pretty codependent at times! And he's a chef to boot!

    But no, not having of those old comfort foods, no 1 dozen donuts, no stops at the bakery with a box of stuff that does not make it home, no drive thrus, no food behaviour that I would regret. And NO overeating. Nope, sticking with the protein and produce I have been eating.

    I got to go to the pool again today and I wore the silicon ear plugs which were weird. I noticed some aches and pains, while aerobicizing, I kept with it and did an hour and 50 minutes of continuous movement in the pool, mostly treading water and doing lunges and crunches, and running and so on, also did a bunch of strength work with the equipment. So it was a great workout, I was EXhausted after.

    Hit the hot tub for a long soak and put those jets up to the sore spots. Then sat outside for some Vitamin D for 10 minutes, its going to be hot today, 100+ and so I was glad to be done by 1pm. Going to make a big chicken stir fry for the rest of the day, lunch and dinner, with lots of zucchini and onions. Have watermelon later and try to stay cool, thank god for a/c.

    I know I will get better, I have to just keep at it....... one day at a time.

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    2827 days ago
  • KELSEY54
    Hopefully this last round will do the trick. I know what you mean not to eat one thing that is not on your eating plan or you are sunk. I usually have a treat after my Thurs. night weigh in but I did not last night. I can not let myself step outside my boundaries.
    2827 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6582721
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    2827 days ago
  • RUSSELL_40
    I understand about pain and sickness making you want comfort food. It is a natural response. When we were sick, we got soup and cookies as kids, and in times like these, our regular diet isn't as comforting.

    All you can do is wait it out, and tell yourself that if you go off plan, you will still be sick, and in pain, just fatter..lol. It is a poor argument, but all we have. Hopefully, you get through this as quick as possible, and get back on a smooth track to better health.

    Focus on 2 weeks from now, and how much better you will feel, and just " fake it till you make it ". In 2 weeks you will be happy you stuck with it.
    2827 days ago
  • PROUD-GRANDMA
    emoticon 3 rounds! I hope you feel better soon.
    2827 days ago
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