2013's Fresh Start
Monday, July 29, 2013
For the last year I have not tried to diet, or exercise too vigorously, as we were trying to get pregnant, and I didn't want to do anything that could mess that up. Well, over a year later, still not pregnant, heavier than ever, and about to turn 35. The emotional toll is becoming too heavy to bear. I've been preoccupied with pregnancy, pregnant people, babies - all the things I don't have. Which means being sad, all the time. And the one thing that keeps going through my head are the words of a friend months ago telling me I was probably too fat to get pregnant.
So, today I get a fresh start. I can't go grocery shopping until we make money in the budget once August hits. My diet has been insane the last 2 weeks waiting to do grocery shopping. Just a few more days. Then an aggressive diet. Including a detox. Focusing on veggies, fruits, lean meats, whole grains. Today I started trying to get back into a gym routine. 30 minutes on the elliptical. 1.75 miles. Not real fast (I forgot my inhaler and it was my first day back, so no pushing) but constant. Sustained heart rate at 150 for the cardio level. It seems silly to be proud of something so small, but it's my first step. Now, plenty of water - that's my second goal of the day.
My husband asked what would make this time different. I don't have an answer. I am throwing myself into this with everything I have, and all the pregnancy frustration I've been holding. I need to distract myself from the lack of pregnancy, so putting those emotions into caring for myself should keep me on track. And hopefully, all that energy will mean RESULTS! A healthier me. Then I have to figure out long term, but for now I need a routine.