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Wednesday, August 07, 2013

If you look back at my blog history over the past few years, I have dreaded the4th of July and this week in August. I hated going to the local parades and feeling so badly about myself. At the 4th and on the local parade today, I see everyone from church, from the neighborhood- and it is always hot....so I can't ever hide the fact that I have not been taking care of myself. A parka and long pants just don't work on a hot day in August!

This morning, I was feeling great. I got on the scale...163.0......point ZERO! I am officially lower than ever before on Sparkpeople...and I have been on this site since my little guy, who turns 6 on the 23rd, was 2 months old. YAY ME! I put on a cute new sundress that my husband said he absolutley LOVED on me...and he is stingy with the compliments! So I was feeling really great...for a change! We were on our way to the parade and I was looking forward to the day.

About 10 minutes into the parade, I saw a good friend walking with her son's preschool class. I waved hi and she came running over. About halfway to me, she shouted "OMG! You did not tell me you were pregnant again!!"


Seriouslly? Are you friggen kidding me?

I think my face said all that and more, because then after telling me how really great I looked and she had just heard of another friend being pregnant and on and on....she finally left with her group from the parade...thank God. I know many people heard her, but were polite enough to pretend they had not.

Of course I would be full of crap if I said she didn't ruin my day and my mood- she did. She undid all the feeling good I had done all morning. Those few stupid words turned me inside out. And if I was miraculously pregnant...would I announce it on the friggen street corner if front of the world?

Of course I called my husband to ask him why he would tell me the dress looked good...and I questioned my daughter about how it looked.....I felt trapped in a conspiracy to get me to buy the "make mom look huge and pregnant and only she won't know it dress". Had my mirror hidden the fact that I looked enormous?

Now, I am pretty self aware. I know I have a long way to go on my journey. And my journey will never end at a "finish line" because I am an emotional eater, and I will always be an emotional gal....so I will always have to be aware of what I am doing. But, I will not burn my dress- as I had previously decided during the car ride home. I will hold my head up and say...Ok....I may still look fluffy...not pregnant, but fluffy. I can deal with that. And I will always have to deal with stupid people who have no clue about how their words can affect others...I love Lauren, but she tends to be an airhead about things like that. OK.

I will admit there was a sting of tears in my eyes because it is so important to me to get to a happy mental place with myself. But, tears are gone....dress is still on my body...and I still feel proud of myself. Prouder, in fact, because I stood tall even after she swiped me down. I made myself stand firm when I wanted to just run home to my Spark family and hide. So, about an hour and a half later, I can share my story and know that many of you will understand how I felt, feel my fury, and also feel united with me in the "I don't care what you think" Club....because I realized- I don't really, deep down in a meaningful way, care what she thinks of me. She has no idea how many squats I have done...or that I can now run a mile....or that my old pants fit again. She has no idea about anything about me- except that she thought my tummy looked puffy and she decided I was pregnant. As I looked at other women, not all who wore dresses looked like tall, slim models. Many looked like I did....and they looked cute in my view. Today reminded me that the confidence and self love have to come from inside of me...because I can't leave those precious feelings to be shaped by people like Lauren.

(But I am a big believer that Kharma comes around- so lookout, Lauren!!!) emoticon

Anyone have a story like that to share? What would your come back have been? Mine was a stunned "thanks a lot"....dang, wish I had come up with something better!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    HUGS!! OMG what a thing to say!
    I am so glad you are holding your head up high and believing in YOU!!!!!! I am so proud of you getting to 163.0 I want to feel that way soon, well by the end of the year maybe. You are doing awesome, never forget what you have done to get to this point and you know this is not the end. I understand the problems of emotional eating and although I don't think we ever get over it, I know I am getting better at controlling it and you are too.

    Lots of hugs and smiles
    2753 days ago
    Darn it - in my mind there is just no good come-back for a comment like that. People can be so clueless sometimes.
    You have the right attitude here. Hang in there and keep up the good work. You are NOT alone - we have all been there!!!
    And I am sure that you looked great in your dress. TRULY!
    emoticon emoticon
    2755 days ago
    You really have an awesome attitude! No matter how old I get, I am still surprised regularly by how much people simply don't think before they speak sometimes.

    I bet you looked great in that sundress! Good for you for staying strong and remembering how far you've come. That's definitely a victory in my opinion.

    2755 days ago
    It always floors me that people say such dumb things. Seriously? Forget about her and move on. You've made great progress!
    2756 days ago
    Way to go, sweet pea.


    You definitely have the right attitude. People ... sigh... they can be stupid. I'm sure she's a nice lady, but would it hurt to think a little before speaking. Just a little ;)

    Anyway, sorry that happened to you. But a rock star like you can't be stopped... So rock on, sweet thang!

    2756 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/14/2013 9:08:01 PM
  • L-JO888
    I don't think I have ever seen so many responses to a blog!

    I am so impressed with how you dealt with it! I have been mistaken for pregnant at least a dozen times that I can remember. One of the worst was on my honeymoon, wearing a sarong over my bathing suit, feeling like I looked decent, and the waiter at the restaurant stopped and stared at me when I ordered an alcoholic drink.... then said "Um, Ma'am? Do you really think you should be drinking? What about the baby?" Another bad one was just last summer, when I was in a drugstore with my friend who was actually 8 months pregnant, and the cashier said excitedly "Oh! it must be so nice to be friends and having babies together! When are you both due?" seriously?!? My answer that time was "She's due in 4 weeks, my baby is already born and she is 5 years old. I'm just fat, thanks". She was mortified and I felt vindicated, but humiliated. My friend, although very sympathetic, couldn't stop laughing.

    My rule of thumb: unless I can actually see the baby's head emerging from a woman's vagina, I don't say a word about it unless she does.
    2757 days ago
    I have not the greatest posture and I'm 5'4". I also naturally carry most of my weight in the middle and I have a small waist (above the fat), which I like to accentuate at times so I do have a few empire waisted things and sundresses ALWAYS make me look pregnant - I like them though and so does my husband. I've been hovering at about 160 for the last five years and just lost a bit of weight so things are looking good but let me tell you, if I had a nickel for every time I've been asked if I was pregnant.... hoo boy!

    Eventually it got to the point that some days I could at least chuckle about it - like all the times I've been offered a seat on the bus or in any place where seats are few!

    I love when someone I know well asks if I am (shame on anyone for asking a woman if she's pregnant unless they have heard for sure that she is!) and I just laugh and say no, changing the subject. The person usually tries to keep up with the conversation but their face and voice show that they are more mortified than I am. Eventually, you get used to it OR, as in your case since you are doing so well and on track... soon enough, people have no reason to ask.

    I'm sure you looked beautiful. Your husband wouldn't have said so if you weren't. Keep the dress!
    2757 days ago
    Same thing happened to me long time ago. Looking back pretty sure the girl did it to be mean. I let it hurt me, of course. You will see, you will look back on this and think
    " yes it happened & look at how great I look now- that was then this is now!". It will become one of those moments that made you stronger.

    Dr. Oz show fans team leader
    2757 days ago
    Way to go, holding on to the positive! emoticon Congrats on hitting your low weight!
    2759 days ago
    I'm so sorry you had to experience that, especially when you were feeling so good about yourself.

    Something similar had happened to me. I was in the grocery store, wearing a sundress that I thought looked particularly cute on me, when I heard a man's voice yelling, "Excuse me!" I ignored it and kept going because I was in a hurry, but the voice was getting closer and louder. Finally it was so loud I turned around and realized that everyone nearby had also stopped and was staring at the man to see what was so urgent. Just then the man reached me and in the same LOUD voice announced that he just had to stop me, to let me know that I was the most beautiful pregnant woman, he had ever seen. emoticon I was completely devastated, especially since I had gained all my weight while dealing with depression from not being able to have children. emoticon

    That day was a turning point for me; and I can laugh about it now; but I never wore that dress again.
    2759 days ago
  • AMBER281
    I bet you looked amazing in your new dress.

    You are doing great!
    2760 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Sorry, but I'm really laughing here. Also telling my husband about your story. DH said, 'she probably look good in the dress.'

    I've learned to NEVER 'congratulate' a woman on being pregnant. Even if she looks to be about ready to pop.
    2760 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13994672
    She's ignorant. Most of them are.

    My experience(s).... Lucky me, I have two. Yes must be because I'M FAT!

    I was in a clothing store, my husband had recently had surgery and was wearing a brace so I needed to buy him new button down shirts so they could fit over it.

    I'm going through the shirts one by one looking to see how they button and how much trouble they would be for him. A woman comes over and says "You know, Plus size clothes are on sale, you can find some really nice tops over there."

    I smiled and said thank you but my husband really isn't into ladies tops. I also said By the way, I don't know if you know but Barnes and Noble has Miss Manner's book on sale this week. Have a good day!

    2nd Experience....

    This guy I worked with came up behind me. HONK HONK! WIDE LOAD!!!
    I turned around and said you know I can lose weight. What are you going to do about being bald and being an ass? I don't know when he closed his mouth, my wide load had moved on.

    See.... like I said. They're ignorant.
    You handled it well. Have confidence and faith in yourself, do not let them get to you!

    2762 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/8/2013 9:34:47 PM
    People are idiots. You have lost so much weight already -- that's a HUGE inspiration and a huge accomplishment! You're also a better person than me. I would have looked at the friend and made some evil comment about how the wrinkles around her eyes make her look so much older. ;/
    2762 days ago
    Some people do not have a brain in their head, or they are saving that brain for a rainy day. I am glad that you remember that she is not too bright. Do not let her get you down, you have done fabulous and at the weight that you are, you are beautiful.....you are beautiful at any weight, but I mean the outside that you worry about so much. You have worked hard and it has paid off this year and you have done so well and increased your strength so much and decreased your weight impressively. I am proud of you and I know all the Turtles are so proud also. Toss her comment out of your head and wear that dress with PRIDE. Love ya Angie,
    2762 days ago
    Some people are just dumb and you can't change that. Wouldn't be too offended though. Skinny pregnant people are just that " skinny " everywhere with a baby bump about the mid section. Perhaps she thought you were just starting to show. If that 's what I looked like I would be doing a happy dance! At 163 lbs. your doing great. Keep up the fantastic work. Wear that cute little dress until your hearts content. Husband compliments can be real hard to come by.
    2763 days ago
    I'm so sorry that happened to you. I do love your attitude about it not getting you down because of all the hard work you've done. Keep your head up.
    2763 days ago
    Oh gosh, I'm sorry that happened to you! People can be so thoughtless.

    When my sister was in the hospital to give birth to my niece I went to be with her and when I got there the nurse at the desk in the maternity ward thought I was there because I was pregnant and was looking to be settled into a room. =/ That stung. Not only did a maternity nurse think I was pregnant... but 9 months pregnant! Arrrgh. But whatever. I don't care about what she said anymore. lol.
    2763 days ago
    Some people just have no clue- I know people with no couth. I bet you looked great in that cute sun dress!
    2763 days ago
    I won't say what was running through my mind! lol But I am so glad you realized that she is a dope & didn't let it ruin your whole day!! Listen to your family, you look marvelous darling! emoticon
    2763 days ago
    I really wish in the times that I had similar experiences that I had the guts to reply "And I didn't know you were still so stupid". or some other such nonsense...I just wish I didn't stand and let them get away with it. I'm so sorry. If your honey was spontaneous with his lovely compliment...hang on to it..he's your anchor and you ARE amazing!!! Keep Sparkin'!!! I'm in awe of you!!!
    2763 days ago
    Don't forget - you looked good in the eyes of your husband and son... Some people just don't think - you need to take her comment with a grain of salt and let it go... Maybe she was deliberately being katty?

    The people that matter to you like how you look... Go with it! (Even tho, I do know the feeling of how words can hurt).

    2763 days ago
    Your background says it all... BE STRONG, BE INSPIRED, BE PRESENT. I am very proud of you for not giving her the opportunity to know that she hurt you. Never give thoughtless people power over you like that. You are doing so well. Your weight is the lowest it has been. You are feeling more self-assured & confident. YOUR happiness is your reward. Her embarrassment is hers. Keep on smiling my friend. You're doing GREAT! emoticon
    2763 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    Hmmm - I typed a response earlier and it is not here.....

    If you needed a response to something like that, you can turn around and ask her when HER baby is due!
    2763 days ago
    Wow, I am amazed at people sometimes! Glad you were able to shake it off! Love ya!
    2763 days ago
    How do they say it in the south, "She is such a boob, bless her heart!" I am glad you were eventually able to self talk yourself back up. We are always going to come across people whose brain disconnects when they open their mouths, and they will say things that even they themselves can't believe they did. My response would have been along the lines of a vehement "HE** NO!". Not to be mean or anything, I just have my two grown sons, my 4 year old grandson, and even the idea of being pregnant at this time of my life is just not... NO!
    2763 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10081037
    I think you acted amazingly, wow way to go, I don't think a come back was needed as you gave her a comeback you did not retaliate way to go very proud of you
    2763 days ago
    Oh my! That's happened to me twice in my life, and I remember how much it hurt. I never wore the clothes again, either.

    Anyone who is raised right knows that you NEVER say anything to a woman about being pregnant until you see the baby coming out of her! "Oh you were pregnant? I had no idea!"

    I am so glad that you realized how much you have accomplished. Good for you!
    2763 days ago
    2763 days ago
    So sorry that happened. I would have been angry and hurt, and then completely self-conscious. Try not to let it get you down and think of how far you have come. You are doing great. emoticon emoticon
    2763 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Holy foot-in-mouth-club, Batman!!!!!!!!!! Was this chick doing it to get attention or just to humiliate? NOBODY that is potty trained or older ever makes a prego remark!!Geez..

    About fifteen years ago, at work one woman who was large boned like me, was eight months prego when she left on maternity leave. At the end of the summer, ANOTHER co-worker forgot how much time had transpired. She walked up to first woman and asked, "Oh, Amanda, how much longer do you have left until your due date?" Amanda had been back from leave for one week.. she was the type who lost the weight every place BUT her abdomen. She replied, "FIVE ....MONTHS....AGO ... ".
    Deadpan face..

    Now, first co=worker did NOT do this to be mean, she is just dumb and forgot how long it had been since prego woman had been pregnant. BUT , she never asked anybody, ever again!! She turned twelve shades of red and begged me to stay with her at work, but it was time for me to leave and she had to work with prego woman for the next eight hours...

    NO REPLY I S NECESSARY, JUST THAT LOOK.. That look gives YOU the power.
    2763 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/8/2013 2:12:18 PM
    I had that happen to me about 4 months after I had my son and was really a waistless dress since I was still nursing and it felt comfortable

    we were at a miilitary function and a couple I had never met, asked me when the baby was due. hubby was drinking and spit out his drink in shock. A friend who was with us said, she just had a baby 4 months ago. there were tears in my eyes as she said that. they were embarrased and left and my friend tried to cheer me up
    2763 days ago
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