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Where do I start?

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I haven't had a night like last night in at least a month. I guess what really started it was, I was going to bed and came out of the bathroom and my back door was opened. The wind wasn't blowing, so I don't even know how it was opened. I normally do not get spooked, but last night I was. I checked all the dark, eery places, even under the bed and I couldn't find anything. My dog is looking at me like, hey, I'd let you know if someone was in here. She was as quiet as a lamb. I even called my son, who just moved out and told him I was spooked, he didn't do anything about it though. But I couldn't figure out how the door was opened, unless when I was checking to see if it was locked I opened it instead. I layed in bed for an hour and kept looking out to the hall way to see if everything is ok.

Then there is this book I am reading "The Stop Child Molestation Book". It is a very good, easy book to read. But I think it is getting to me, more then I realized. And since I was abused as a child, it makes sense that the book would bother me. And then there is this letter I am trying to get published. Mother's day is one week from today and that is the day we what it in and I still do not know if it will be publish and more important what the cost will be. I told everyone I would pay for it, but I do have a limit I will go to ($10,000) and I am afraid that that will be passed really easy. And then what do I do? And what if I can't get it published, I mean I can pick another day, one cheaper since Sunday is a big day for papers. But what do I do, if they say no, or don't call me back. I was thinking about senting it to Rosie, she reminds me of myself, out spoken and she doesn't care who she insults or hurts. I always say, "I say what I mean and mean what I say".

And that brings me to work. I don't know what my problem is. Do I have to have step by step instructions, because I can't seem to get my quality score above 90 percent. I am always saying something wrong or not saying something. It seems they always find a call, where I screw it up. I have never had such bad luck. If they would just hit the ones that are good. I know they usually pick the short ones and I even blew a short one. I am getting very frustated. I even told my boss it isn't an issue now, but would be if I get fired. Now that sounds like I might so something like get a lawyer and sue, which is not necessarily true. And as soon as I said it I knew I didn't mean it and I never do that. That is how frustated I am. And I decided there is no reason, why I should be on the internet at night. I have nothing to read or look up. It can wait until I get home. I just know I am getting very frustated and every time, I think I am being recorded I panic. Like last night, they record me every Sunday, but last week they recorded me on a Saturday. If they recorded me last night, it will not be hard to find a bad call. And then tonight, I just can't get it together. I keep complaining that nothing is in KB, which is true, but do I really need everything in black and white in order to get it right. I know it took me forever to get a bad call at Directv, but they had everything in black and white. Maybe today when I go back to bed, I will mediate about having a good call.

But it just seems everything has me upset. Everything but my diet I am going down finally. I wonder is there a woman out there, who is going through or has gone through menapause. I have that time of month, maybe every six months and it seems instead of a few days before I start I am bloated and have water weight for a month before, I have been going to bathroom every five minutes. Finally losing all the water I have been drinking. I mean I would drink eight glasses of water and nothing would come out. Maybe that is my biggest problem right now, that time of the month. How womenly. Always blame it on that. But if that is the problem, then that is the problem.

I think I am going to take my meds and go back to bed. I had to wait to take them at least six hours and now I can take them and hopefully get a few hours sleep, like four.

Good night or good morning since it is 7:20 am on Sunday, May 6th.

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