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When the ground feels like Jell-O

Friday, September 13, 2013

I have been avoiding responding to a legal matter. I had been called as a witness in a criminal case, and it scared me. I have been putting my response to this off, putting my head in the sand, as if that would make everything go away. Sad to report, it does not.

Today I confirmed receipt of the summons. Made me sick to deal with.

The matter has churned up a whole host of feelings, none of them good, about the incidents.

I have not wanted to talk to anyone, have been trying to keep to myself. Don't really even want to talk to my family.

Needless to say, that not talking doesn't make things better either.

Suffice it to say, having this come up after I commit to working on my eating disorder put me on unsteady ground. I feel no sense of stability or safety right now. Just when I think I am ok, some other feeling or issue pops up.

I hate this.

I understand I'm not alone, in the larger scheme of things, but where I am is hard to understand, even for me, let alone explain to someone else.

I get so frustrated, and feel so inadequate, like such a coward or whatever.

Now, all I'm doing is trying to get through each day.

It is NOT as easy as it used to be, and it was tough some days anyway.

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