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JILLYBEAN25
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30 Days of Thankful 2013 Edition- Day 5

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Day 5

This is a tough one because the last thing in the world I'm feeling right now is thankful for anything.

Discovering (through FACEBOOK no less!) the guy you've been dating is in a relationship with another woman is a tough pill to swallow. I did write him a note on FB telling him that I was very hurt by this turn of events. I even took the high road: I didn't use any foul language. I didn't tell him what a big, fat effin' jerk he was. I didn't even try to guilt trip him by telling him how much I've agonized over the last several weeks wondering what I had done wrong to make him back off so suddenly, taking on the blame and guilt myself and ultimately having to seek out counseling from a psychologist because I've lost control of my life and my emotions... Nope. I kept it short and sweet. "You cut me off because you didn't want to see me and decided not to tell me. It hurt." That's pretty much it.

He wrote me back an explanation and apology. I didn't even want to read it, but my OCD kicks into gear big time on FB and having that little number notification on the side drives me nuts! So, I waited until WAY after to read it. Turns out he met this gal back in July (and started dating me literally within weeks after that) and that he's basically been stringing me along this whole time. He never wanted to be with me. He wanted to be with her. I got used. And it doesn't feel good. At all.

I did make myself go on a walk/jog today to start training for Iron Girl in December. I also thought it would help be a de-stress, antidepressant... not so much today. I discovered it is very difficult to sob uncontrollably while still trying to jog/walk briskly. Also, I didn't have any kleenex with me. And most of my route was going into the wind. Which made breathing difficult. I still somehow managed to pull off about a 16 minute mile and I did 2.32 miles. Not bad considering I haven't done much since my ankle went bunk at the beginning of October.

Anyway, on to the "thankfulness" bullsh*t part of this post... Leah is always telling me that sometimes our emotions follow our actions. In other words, fake it 'til you make it! So, I'm going to FAKE being thankful for this, and hope that eventually I really will be thankful...

I'm thankful for not only myself, but for anyone else who has ever "dodged a bullet" so to speak by having someone reveal their true colors before you got in too deep. He has always been a nice guy and that is what he projects himself to be. I think he does so because he sincerely WANTS to be a nice guy, but his true self is a thoughtless, soulless, stereotypical man-jerk. He said I was nothing but a good friend to him, through all the crap he's been going through lately and that's he's sorry. Cold comfort and hard to believe from someone I can no longer trust. I guess I'm glad I found out now that I can't trust him instead of sometime down the line.

I don't have a photo today. Sorry.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GREGGWEISBROD
    Ugh. That guy makes me want to vomit... all over him. I'm thankful that you found it in yourself to not only write about it all, but to do so in such a wonderfully brilliant way. You're actually quite delightful to read in your wonderfully scathing tone. I hope you shake off the emotions of the past while that have been the result of this colossal bunghole. Good luck with your training, I'm kind of excited to read how that goes. Hope your ankle is alright!
    2714 days ago
  • BEFIT_WITHGUSTO
    Well, at least you have some closure and you don't have to keep thinking you did something wrong....IT WAS ALL HIM!! I'm so sorry. Dealing with guys can be so rough, especially when they're as insensitive as this guy. Good for you for getting out there and running! 16 minute mile is great! Looking forward to seeing you next month!
    2716 days ago
  • ARUNNINGKAT
    I have done more than my fair share of trying to run while crying - and you are right, it doesn't work so well. But on the bright side, I am glad you went out for a run. That is probably just about the healthiest options you could have chosen under the circumstances. And I am so sorry this guy turned out to be such a loser. You are right. It is good that you found out now, but that doesn't take away the pain and heartache. emoticon
    2716 days ago
  • DSHONEYC
    emoticon Yes, my friend - you have to kiss a lot of frogs out there.

    I am so sorry for your hurt. I know what it feels like. It was April 2000 when I finally discovered "He will never leave you".

    While I have not found my soul mate (still), I am at peace with His love and am looking in some better places now.

    Thinking and praying for you, sweet and trusting woman.
    2716 days ago
  • SMILINGTREE
    In the moment it's probably really hard to be thankful, but really...you don't want someone who is less than honest to play the love-interest in the story of your life. And big congratulations on the jog/walk! It had to help -- even if it didn't feel great. I remember sobbing a time or two last winter while attempting to train for the half marathon. You're right - it's not easy.
    2717 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12146214
    Well that sucks! I sincerely hope that your life takes an upswing after this debacle with FB. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and if you have to cry doing it, so be it. This guy is acting like a jerk and you can and will do better!
    2717 days ago
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