Hello! I have not been a good sparker in a while. I have pretty much stayed within my weight the past year, but not pushed my eating habits to where they need to be. I know what I should be doing: counting calories, exercising at least 10 minutes a day, drinking my water, and eating fruits and veggies, etc.
I did not feel well starting in July of this year. I was having shooting pains in my stomach area, nauseated, shoulder pain, etc. The doctor had me do many, many, many tests and finally concluded that it was my gall bladder as I had told the doctor in July, but had to do all the fun tests before they would rule out the stomach and other organs. I had a scare during this time: I have a 1 1/2 inch mass on my liver so it did turn out to be benign, but that was pretty scary. I wasn't worried so much about it, because I remembered being jaundice when I was born so I figured it was probably some sort of birth defect, but when family finds out woo wee, craziness ensues and make you worried, because you think you have cancer now. Fortunately my family was wrong; I should have just listened to myself. I need to quit listening to others, because when I do whether it's family or co-workers, it really stresses me out and puts me in flight or fight mode which is not good for me at all. So, I need to figure out how to listen to myself and ignore or at least try to strain out what people say that I need to worry about and need to let go. Please feel free to tell me how you deal with what others say or do. I am always trying to make everyone else happy and end up harming myself in the end. I need to love myself. Okay, sorry I am going off into many different tangents. Obviously, I need to write about everything so I can let it out.
Anyway, on October 14th I had my gall bladder surgery. Work this year has been super stressful. I am running two different programs, two new curriculums, an aide that didn't want to help me, and children and parents from a huge variety of languages. I also have a daughter that is gifted, but was not getting the TLC that she needs from her mother and she has been having issues in school. I was working 745 am until 8 pm at school and then coming home and finishing up work stuff until 10 or so. Then on weekends I would work, work, work on stuff. It was sooo exhausting and I never had time for myself. Well, fortunately the aid left and I have had some substitutes that have been great. So, I am slowly getting back into the groove of things. My new aid started this week and she is a blessing from God. She is already helping me and making it so I don't have to kill myself off with work. I am going back to church this week. I started Shaun T's Focus T25 last Monday and will keep it up. I am still doing a 5k at least once a month. I need to work on decompressing, forgetting about school when I am home, because I am always obsessed with trying to make it better, but I do already do well so I need to CHILL OUT! It is time for me to allow someone else to help with the load, find time for myself, find time for God, and find time for my daughter. These are key to me getting back to where I need to be to lead a happy, fulfilling life. I need to let go of a man from my past. He loves me and I love him, but there are issues that both of us need to work on before we can be together. If not, it's okay, I don't have to be with someone to fulfill my life; it is simply a luxury to spend the rest of your life with someone else, but if the right one is not there, then I need to just let it be and be happy on my own. I think getting myself better through fitness, eating well, focusing on quality time with my daughter, and letting things go that are unnecessary is the way to go. Sorry I went in different directions and this was a tangent, but woo wee obviously I needed to let it all out. Have a blessed day and if you decide to read my blog, please send me any advice or thoughts you may have. Thank you!