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The Ghost Of Janilou's Future

Friday, January 17, 2014

My last blog entry on August 15th talked about my new-found motivation to get back to the gym. I continued and was doing great until October 7th, when at 5pm, a driver came through a stop-sign and t-boned the vehicle I was driving for work. The SUV I was driving spun around and then began flipping down the road, landing on the driver's side four times before flipping end-over-end and rolling into a ditch. Of the five people in the vehicle, only myself and the person sitting behind me suffered serious injury. My head and shoulder hit the pavement four times through the broken out window, as the car flipped, and a bowling ball in the vehicle came up and hit the other side of my head. The front of my head hit the steering wheel, because for some reason the air bags did not deploy. I have been left with a scar on my shoulder and head, concussion, post-concussion syndrome, whiplash, damamged tear ducts that make my eyes water uncontrollably at times, stained eyelids from the heavy bruising that occured, terrible short-term memory loss, severe constant neck and lower skull pain, and an inability to turn my head in either direction more than a few inches.
That's the bad news. I was heading towards the 170's when the accident occurred and I'm sad to say that since the accident (blame the drugs, my comfort eating and inability to exercise) I am now 214 pounds.
It's been driving me crazy, watching my weight creep back toward that weight I carried over five years ago when I joined Spark People but nothing seemed to help me rein in my frustation, my response to the constant pain of reaching for food.
Until last night. Last night, I found myself having one of those really weird dreams. My mother was with me (she went to heaven in 2004) and I stood there with her, and watched myself walk away with my family. I was wearing sweats and a red jacket, and I weighed easily 280 plus pounds. I stared at myself and felt so shocked and sad. My heart ached for the me who lumbered away, so heavy she couldn't even walk right. My mother whispered to me, "That's your future, if you don't take control. You can do it. Remember how you did it before? Do you remember how wonderful it felt to be in control?" I agreed, saying, "That's NOT who I am. I don't want to be that person." I heard her assurance that I didn't have to be, that it was my choice. Then I woke up.
So, here I am. Back on Spark People. Counting my calories. Drinking my water. Blogging. It's four steps forward. I will never forget that dream. I will not become that future. I'm making the change, starting today.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks, Sam! :-) Yep, I am determined to get back to where I was. I can do it.
    2013 days ago
  • no profile photo SAMTOOTELL
    Jan's better-looking son checking in. Mom's made amazing progress in the past six months and well on the road to recovery. I think she'll be back here before too long.
    2204 days ago
    2366 days ago
    2366 days ago
    OMGosh....I am so so sorry to hear about your accident.... emoticon emoticon
    It is awesome to have you back.....
    The dream you had was an awesome one and I am sure it will stay with you a very long time.....
    I pray that it will be the motivation you need to take your new journey one day at a time....and achieve the journey emoticon ..I know you can...

    Praying that your injuries will totally heal....Thats the business God is in....He can do that....Believe and receive.....

    Blessings my friend
    2366 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/17/2014 4:50:49 PM
  • SPEEDY143
    emoticon I'm so sorry to read about your accident and will pray for your healing as you heed the wonderful intervention that God has blessed you with... a visit from mom who continues to watch over and lead you on your path to health and healing emoticon Stay strong emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2366 days ago
  • GINA180847
    I am surprised you are even alive and have your wits about you after the horror of that accident. I thank God and your mother that she showed up to give you that wake up call and I thank God that you heard it and will heed it. Stories like this give me a chill. Please continue as you are and become a story we all want to hear.
    2366 days ago
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