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Friday, January 31, 2014

Although I know it is viewed as a cop out when we blame our parents for things we have wrong with ourselves today but I can honestly say my weight problems began with my mom. I was very slim as a child and she constantly pushed food on me until I was overweight. Then came years of pushing food or withdrawing it from me and putting me on diets. She herself, kept herself slim and I was never considered attractive by her because I was overweight. Example, my sister was slim so she kept her graduation dance photo. I have never seen mine since it was taken.

Now that my mom has dementia she has laid off the comments regarding weight and controlling my food intake. That was until last Wednesday. She had a bowl of soup and a sandwich for lunch. When my sandwich came she exclaimed loudly so that the whole restaurant could hear that it was enormous (couple that comment with a massive intake of breath). It was a normal sized sandwich but her comment made me leave half.

I honestly thought I had come to terms with my food issues and my mom but even at 95 years of age she still has the ability to punch my buttons. I should have eaten the sandwich with gusto and enjoyed every bite.

All I can say is that I am so thankful that I didn't pass any of these awful food issues on to my two boys. I don't want anyone else to shoulder that kind of dysfunction.
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  • NEED2LOSEN2010
    I'm so sorry you were hurt. As someone mentioned toxic people, & I do believe it is a reflection on themselves, because happy healthy people do not behave in this way, or perhaps with the dementia it wasn't what she meant to say.
    I've found Forgiveness is something I struggle with, & I do help them, but limit my contact to short visits , because Forgetting seems impossible for me. God Bless you that you still take the time to be a part of her life, & that you've not passed this behavior on.
    This blog really touched a chord in me, it reminded me of my Expectations blog.
    God Bless
    2475 days ago
  • LUVS2BIKE101
    Sorry you had to endure that anguish. You are a good person and wonderful SparkFriend to me and many other people. And, you are a great mom! To forgive is always very difficult to do. But once we accomplish that, we become a better person.
    Keep Sparking! You are worth it!
    2488 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8522718
    Wow, that is horrible the way your mom treated you, how sad!

    I have only 1 child, and she is 15, and I always let her know that she is fine, just the way she is. I wish everyone did this! My parents were verbally abusive to us too, that is why I never go to their house, or see them anymore. I feel that they made their bed, now they can lay in it. I would never help them now in their old age since they were so awful to us kids.
    You are such a forgiving person to be still seeing your mom. I know that forgiving is the best way to handle it, but I am not there yet.

    Big (((HUGS)))
    2490 days ago
    Toxic people. Got them in my family too. (((((Hugs))))))
    2490 days ago
    My grandma is the SAME way. I constantly have to remind myself that she is "sick." People who feel confident and happy within themselves don't tear others down or make hurtful comments. Your mom's judgment in not a reflection of you but of herself. Don't look in a mirror that is being held up for someone else.

    It's good that your sons don't have food issues. Another good this is that they may not be judgmental of others due to the trials you have gone through. Your sons encourage you. Listen to their voices instead of your moms.

    Next time, eat that sandwich no matter what anyone says and savor every bite!

    Maybe the Sandwich just appeared "enormous" to your mom because she is so tiny! :D

    2491 days ago
  • ANGGEL40
    Wow..So sorry sweetie, sending you lots of emoticon
    2491 days ago
    When I read the title my first thought was 'whose buttons are getting pushed'. Sorry, they were yours. It is amazing how even when you KNOW your buttons are being pushed.. they still react just like it was yesterday. Old habits are hard to break. I expect the BARB rather made you lose your appetite.
    I guess I was always a disappointment to my mom... I try and usually succeed in giving her credit that, she did what she had to do with what she had to work with. She died 17 years ago.. I hope she was happy. At least she had a son who was the 'Apple of her eye'. I probably should not have shared this with you, at least at this time... I hope I am just sharing that we love your parents, warts and all. They are not (were not) perfect but they do (did) the best they can (could).
    You are worthy, and I am so very glad that you KNOW that is TRUE!!
    Love and Hugs, Audra
    2491 days ago
    Ya, that is sad :(
    Happy to hear you know better for your kids!
    2491 days ago
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