Finding the Confidence To Be Me
Friday, March 07, 2014
The past several months I have worked at rebuilding my confidence, pulling myself out of an emotional downhill spiral. I left a job that made me unhappy, I started back on Sparkpeople, and made myself a priority in my own life. There have been some moments of "what was I thinking", moments where I knew I was heading in the right direction, and moments of self realization.
I've come to realize that focusing on "what was I thinking" or second guessing decisions after I made them is not helping me at all. Its not easy to put negative feelings behind you. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, those doubts still find their way into your thinking. If I really am unable to push those thoughts aside, I look back at what my life was like at the time I made the decision. Most times I realize I made the best decision I could at the time. When it comes to the decision to leave my job, I look back at my journal entries from that time period. The guilt of never being at family events. The exhaustion of working 60 hours a week. The physical pain of trying to keep up with the physical aspects of a job that were beyond my ability. I made the right decision at the time. After that decision had been made, there were life events that made the decision appear to be a poor choice. But It was what needed to be done at the time the decision had been made.
We need to put past decisions in that light. We are being unfair to ourselves if we expect to be able to make decisions based on future happening that are unpredictable. Yet we do this to ourselves, at least I do, all the time.
So while my journey over the past several months has had, and continues to have, many bumps in the road, I feel my perspective is better. I may not be losing the weight on Sparkpeople as fast as I would like, but I'm feeling more in control of my life. I have been able to get back to the gym, I have regained control over my eating habits, I have begun feeling like me again. The old me, the happy me.
The renewed feeling of confidence inspired me to make another big decision. It is time to get back into life. I posted my resume on several job search sites. I had a phone call in less than three hours for one interview. While on these sites I submitted my application to three specific companies. I heard back from one of these companies the next day. Even if these don't pan out, to get called back so early in a job search is a confidence booster....
So fingers crossed, I could be stepping out of my little cocoon soon!