You are always hardest on yourself
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Like most people who struggle with weight I started my morning off irritated that once again the scale is not moving in the direction I had anticipated this morning. I mean I'm busting my butt working out, eating Paleo (although admittedly not as perfectly as I would like) and taking care of my general health and well being. So of course I was mad when the scale went up not down today.
I'm the queen of motivating people and the first to tell people not to look at the scale but look at themselves and here I am stressing over the stupid scale myself. I just feel like I should be there already. Like these last 10lbs should be gone by now. And I know better.
I needed to stop and refocus. Do I even know my goal or is it really just a number on a scale? Is that really my goal is for the scale to show me what I want it to??
So I went back to old pictures. I found my old start picture here from 5 years ago. I thought hey I still have that swimsuit! Lol. Then I started picking myself apart today. Getting upset about why I don't look that much different then 5 years ago! And it hits me, am I insane?? 5 years... I've had two more kids since then, I've moved across the country and I've been through some of the best and worst times of my life. Not to mention I'm 5 years older! If I was one of my friends complaining I would be asking myself if I'm crazy!! LOL. But it's true. So I took a side by side and started trying to look at it in a more positive light. Now granted the before image is blurry so that doesn't help much either but there is still some change. And I've had 2 more kids (gaining 40-60lbs with each kid)!! So for there to be even just a little change for the better after that I should feel good about myself.
So why aren't I? And what do I want to see? That's what I'm asking myself now. If this isn't the goal then what is? Is it really that number on the scale? If the scale suddenly said that number but the image was the same would I be happier?? The answer is no. I don't think that's what I want. So what do I want? Good question right?
So here it is, I want to be more toned. Not six pack ab toned but a bit more definition and one size smaller. And ultimately is any of that going to suddenly improve my life and make it any more amazing? NO! That's the funny part!! I let a number on the scale get me all worked up for what?? It's certainly not going to alter my life in some amazing way. I'm not going to wake up smaller with a huge bank account and any more love in my life. Lol. No, it's just going to be a goal I've accomplished. And then it'll be over. So really? I am crazy. Crazy to be so focused on this damn scale. Making myself crazy over something so stupid. Something I've told millions of people not to focus on.
So instead I'm changing my mood, because I can do that. I'm stopping the feeling irritated and the desire to throw my scale at a wall and instead I'm going to focus on pushing forward and enjoying how far I have come and looking forward to seeing what can be with what I am doing. I will rejoice in the little improvements I see here and there but I can't let it affect my mood. I'm done being crazy... Well done adding to my crazy anyhow. ;)
Here are the images in case you are wondering. On the left is 2009 and the right today. A whole 6lb difference but also a long 5 years too. :)