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Tough Day for Me

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Yes, today is Mother's Day, but it's a tough day for me.

My father died one year ago today. This is the photo of the two of us I've had on my computer desktop for most of the past year:



I talked to my mother today. She and my two siblings that still live in state went to Mass this morning, then lunch, and then the cemetery to plant flowers on my dad's grave. My nephew also went. His mother, my brother's ex-wife (who was a part of our family for 15+ years) died last July. My nephew is 18. I imagine it was a difficult Mother's Day for him as well, although Mom says he doesn't talk about it. emoticon

As for my Mother's Day? My daughter didn't even send a card. I got a Facebook "Happy Mother's Day" post that tagged both me and my ex-husband. REALLY???

My ex-husband. He got remarried when our daughter was 9 years old. His new wife, who'd never been married, didn't "allow" my ex-husband to have our daughter spend every-other-weekend at his house, as the court decreed. The new wife said he would pick the child up every other Sunday afternoon, where they would walk around the mall for a few hours and have lunch. Once the ex- and his new wife had their first child? That child was included in his "visitations"/ mall walks with our daughter. I can't even begin to tell you how often he bailed altogether -- calling to cancel while my daughter was sitting in her best clothes, watching out the window for his car to pull in the driveway. For a Sunday afternoon.

My current husband and I never bad-mouthed my ex-husband. I took the high road.

TODAY I'M ALMOST SORRY! I just feel pretty hurt that my ex-husband & his wife get the same billing on Mother's Day as I do.

It's just making a terrible day worse.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD6312736
    It's hard to miss family members who are no longer with us. Sometimes it's good to think of them as having gone to a different "room" in God's House. I have missed my own Dad for fifty years now. This past weekend, when my daughter and I went to visit my Mom (now in a nursing home) we were turned away at the door; her floor was quarantined due to flu. The attendant was able to deliver cards and flowers, and we got to talk to her on the phone, but it still just wasn't the same. (My wife's mother passed away two years ago.)

    Even when situations aren't what we expect, we know that blessings can come from it. In this case, maybe it was a blessing that neither Rachel nor I will contract the flu from anyone on Mom's floor! (The flowers I gave Mom were yellow roses - what my Dad would always give her.)

    Blessings -

    Larry emoticon
    2395 days ago
  • DRADDIE
    *hugs and more hugs* And an extra ' you are amazing and an inspiration to me' for good measure! (And now I feel a little guilty about the message I left on my mom's answering machine . . I should have tried again later!!!)
    2396 days ago
  • JAZZYFROG333
    What a difficult Mother's Day indeed. Super big hugs! I hope your week brings you much needed blessings and positive energy.
    2397 days ago
  • KENDRACARROLL
    emoticon
    Good thing about days like that - they pass :)
    I got a text message each from my DD and my DS, all while I was out living my own life :)
    Hope you're feeling better today.
    You have a great trip waiting for you. (Jealous...)
    Have a wonderful SparkDay.
    2397 days ago
  • JOYFULSPIRIT920
    Wow! That sounds like an incredibly difficult, emotional day. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, that is a pain I can only imagine - I can't bear the thought of suffering through my parents death.
    As for your daughter, that was just total and complete thoughtlessness. One day I hope she opens her eyes to see what an incredible mom she has in you.

    {hugs}
    2398 days ago
  • AJDOVER1
    You're in my prayers. I do understand what you're feeling....
    2398 days ago
  • BUTTERFLY-1976
    emoticon emoticon I'm sorry your having a hard day. It sounds like a very emotional day. I want you to know...your an amazing, strong woman that many care for.

    Is it possible that she mailed a card but it didn't get there in time for yesterday? I'm asking because I know for myself I didn't realize Mother's Day was approaching so fast & I mailed my mom's card late...just a thought.


    2398 days ago
  • MISCHAKEO
    I am sorry that was a hard day for you. That was a lovely picture of your dad. Sometimes these young people get caught up in their lives and are not as thoughtful as they could be. You daughter was so lucky to have you as a mother when she faced those difficulties of your ex.

    Hugs to you. I hope today is a better day.

    2398 days ago
  • NANCY-
    It does hurt when reality bites. Sounds like she may have some issues that need to be resolved, perhaps with time and guidance. At least you know in your heart that you were the best mother you could be.
    Once they become adults, they are responsible for their own actions, (and we may not like their actions) but that is on them. Yes it would be nice for a child to give all the recognition due to a loving mother.
    I can only imagine your sorrow and pain was compounded by the anniversary of your father's death.
    You are a loving and nurturing person. Within your heart are treasured memories. Your picture reminded me of my dad. He died when I was four years old. I was blessed to have him for that long and cherish the few memories that I still have.
    Just know that you are loved.

    2398 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    So sorry you're sad!! Sending you a big ((((hug))))! Tomorrow will be a better day! I promise! emoticon
    2399 days ago
  • EBEAMS
    Sigh ... so much hurt and sadness in one blog. My heart goes out to you. In my humble opinion, you did the right thing with your daughter, though the outcome is not what you would wish for. Hugs ...


    2399 days ago
  • BOOKAPHILE
    I'm so sorry you're hurting. You are a good Mom who deserves a happy Mother's Day.

    It may be one of those things she just doesn't "get" until she goes through something that forces her to think of it in personal terms. You did the right thing all those years ago. You can only be responsible for your own actions. Give her credit for sending you a greeting...she didn't skip it altogether. Try not to become bitter.

    It's been nearly 2 years since my Mother died, and I can tell you that the anguish of grief has faded, to be replaced by more and more good memories. I hope that you will find comfort in your good memories of your Dad.
    2399 days ago
  • NICOLESJOURNEY
    emoticon *I* think you are wonderful, inspiring, beautiful today and everyday!
    2399 days ago
  • WATERMELLEN
    So sorry. Eventually your daughter will figure it out. (It must have been so so painful for her to see so little of her father too). And in the meantime . . . you have taken the high road.
    2399 days ago
  • MYTHMYTH
    I'm so sorry about your daughter's thoughtlessness. My heart aches for you!
    2399 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    I am so very sorry about your daughter disrespecting you in such a hurtful way.
    You must let it go and try to live fully in the present moment as you never know if this will be your last day on earth.
    emoticon
    2399 days ago
  • MARMAERT
    I feel so bad for you! what a kick in the teeth - a "tag" on FB for Mom's Day. whoopee! and it's tough about your Dad, but your Mom is still here and lives fairly close, so enjoy your time with her talking and with your siblings and nephew too. I guess you'll have to suck it up when you see your DD this summer. I hope you and TC have a good travel time and see lots of sights. I will message you when we come back from Alaska. have a good cry and then a cup of tea and sigh about children. maybe she will call you later...
    2399 days ago
  • STEVENKIND
    That is a rough day. Your Dad is obviously a handsome man! I lost Dad last October. As for your ex's wife. What a B%$#&. I can't believe the things people do. And him to be bossed by her down to just an afternoon. Very, very rarely do I miss my weekends, then give plenty of notice. Your daughter messed up too. Bless your heart. Happy Mother's Day from those at Spark People.
    2399 days ago
  • CINDYSDAY
    I am so sorry. We do the best we can and hope for the best.
    2399 days ago
  • MJRVIC2000
    HAVE A BLESSED MOTHER'S DAY! Vic.
    2399 days ago
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