Saturday, May 17, 2014
ive slacked majorly...over the past couple weeks ive let everything just go...
had my cheat day which would always lead into 2-3 cheat days and then only a few days of watching everything so i was staying at the same weight not gaining not losing...well vacation i really let it go and didn't care
i'm back up to 250.
not very happy. i know i've kept saying i'm just going to jump right back into this but its hard. i don't know why i'm having such a hard time doing this.
i get all sad and thrown off course everytime i even think about it...the thought that "whats the point you'll just gain it back" keeps running through my head.
i know the choices i'm making isn't helping anything and that i'm just letting myself down over and over again. which is the worst part. my family just keeps telling me that they knew what would happen.
things have been up and down emotionally here lately i don't know what to do. my birthday was thursday and i didn't even enjoy it at all. it was horrible. i didn't want the attention. i didn't want anything or anyone to notice it was my birthday...i just didn't care and that is normally not me. i normally enjoy my birthday so much. my sister did take me out on wednesday for my birthday and of course she told the waitress it was my birthday dinner and they made a show of it...she video taped it...and when i watched the video i lost so much hope...i couldn't believe how horrible i look. it was not very good for my self esteem at all.
i know i'm in a funk here lately and i need to just get it in check and push through this...i'm trying...very hard....i know i can do this. i just gotta step up and stop letting my darn doubts get in the way.
praying hoping and gonna push myself to make this coming week a better week.