More Than Burnt Out. I Give Up. I'm Giving SP a Try.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
"Burnt Out" doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about being on this site. That would have described me two years ago when I had only been on for 3 years and was still nowhere near my goal. At the five year mark I don't even know if there is a word.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Sparkfriends. I love blogging and commenting on others blogs. I love the support that I've gotten as I've striven for my goals. It has been an experience.....
At the same time, I'm just tired of failure. Getting close. Missing it. Not feeling comfortable expressing frustration. Knowing that if I do, there aren't really any answers to what I'm dealing with.
The hardcore truth in my mind is that as much as I love my friends....I have no realistic proof or evidence that this site works. I chose SP over other possibilities because it promised something different than the religious weight loss experience (all-or-nothing, falling off wagons, facing this alone, etc.)
The last time I felt this way about an organization/institution was church. I walked away from it with everyone telling me how I was losing my way and that I would be sorry for doing so. When I asked those who made such statements how it had positively affected/changed their lives, I got a lot of non-answers.
My life has been far better since leaving. I wonder if the same could be said about SP.
That all being said there is one thing that I have not done, ironically. That is actually follow the SparkDiet as written and spiritually designed. I fell into the trap of just blogging/commenting and occasionally going after the SparkPoints. It's always nagged me that I haven't followed the program.
I will not judge the site as not meeting its promise (again no evidence or proof). As I would read the intros (including the SparkDiet itself), it made it clear that it worked and had many testimonials to back that up. But then, I wouldn't expect the book or site to parade those who gave up and failed.
So I press the reset button. I will start by doing two things.
#1 Start the SparkDiet. I already have points for doing Phase One 4+ years ago, so I will do it sans pointums.
#2 Start re-reading the SparkDiet book. Read it back in the early 2010's
My three questions are simply
#1 Does it work on and by its own terms?
#2 Do I really want what it promises?
#3 Is it something that I can actually do?
I once made the assertion that I would rather be 250+ pounds than live in constant enslavement to the diet mentality. I made that comment over 3 years ago and mean it more today than I ever have.
I no longer accept the 5 years of failure that I have experienced on this site. I accept responsibility for it. Now it really is time to get on the plan, not the wagon, and see if this works. If not, I love you but need to move to something that does.
I am going to start by buying myself a SparkGoodie welcoming me to the site. Please feel free to treat this as a first blog of sorts.
Welcome me. How I do things going forward will be extremely different than in the past. I apologize for what I've said in the past. If I've ever given advice and it hasn't really worked (though it sounded nice), I'm sorry.
So here goes....
Hi, My name is Trent....... and today, I'm starting my Spark People weight loss journey. I don't know if this site and its corresponding book/program deliver what they promise.
But I plan to find out.
Thanks for reading,
- TD In