Dreading the Inevitable
Monday, June 16, 2014
Just got off the phone with my step-sister which is a first - I can't remember the last time she's called me - if ever! She wanted to give me a heads up about how my Dad looks after his chemo and radiation treatments this past winter and how much weight he's lost. As she put it -so I wouldn't burst into tears when I see him next week. I appreciate it, just one more thing for me to prep myself for so I can take care of my son's reaction when we see him. The last time we were up in NY was back in October before they had his biopsy results and decided on his course of treatment. We knew going into this that throat cancer has a 95% survival rate, but one of the worst treatment regimens - he hasn't had solid food since last fall, and even then had difficulty swallowing solids since last August because the tumor was on the back of his tongue. At least now he can drink broth and juices - but nothing thicker - not the greatest choices for a diabetic, but his blood sugar levels are much improved with all of the weight he's lost -back down to only one shot of insulin a day from the 3+ he was taking before the chemo. He dropped from about 215 pounds down to 150 back in January when they hospitalized him for nearly a month which is a whole other nightmare. He's back up to 175 pounds, but obviously not looking the same as what we're accustomed to. I'm hoping I can explain the radiation scarring on his neck to my son so he isn't scared when he sees him.
I also don't know what to tell him about his Grammy -I've told him she's sick, but don't want to tell him that this is probably the last time we will ever see her alive the way things are looking. I wish I wasn't drowning in bills and had the money to fly us up to see her every weekend I would, but I don't. She either has displaysia (sp?) or leukemia and at 96, they won't do stem cell or bone marrow transplant on her and she has already refused chemo for treatment. Either way her body isn't producing enough platelets or white blood cells so she basically has no immune system her counts are so low and as of right now she is undergoing weekly transfusion until she gets her biopsy results in next week.
As things stand right now, both my Dads biopsy result on his prostate cancer and my grandma's biopsy will come in next week while we are there. We already know my dad has prostate cancer, we're 100% it is cancer, but we need the results so they can decide on a course of treatment. We also know that he cannot take another full round of chemo/radiation at this point because he just isn't strong enough and the body can only take so much. It will be hard enough losing one of them this year, but I just don't know if I'll be able to hold it together long enough to get my son through it if we end up losing both of them. Here's to hoping and praying things will all work out for the best.