Seeing sunlight through the clouds

I haven't written a blog in over 3 months. When things are though, I struggle with finding upbeat words. Same goes with nutrition and fitness, I lose all motivation and self-discipline. So the last few months have been filled with on track and off track moments.

To share a little about my life, I live in a third world country. I teach online to make enough money to survive, and spend my days doing volunteer work. My days are filled with beautiful scenery and lovely people but they are also filled other things. Daily, I see starving people, starving and tortured animals, kids that have beaten up (probably for not selling enough gum, instead of going to school), drunken men harassing me, people hassling me for money. And there's the crime, so you learn to always watch your back. I live in a small village, near a bigger town. To do something simple like go to the movies, I have two options. I can take a bus for 6hrs, or lately due to landslides, it takes 8hrs. Or I can cross the border to Mexico, travelling for about 4 hours. There is nothing to do outside of work and volunteering so our big outing is going to the gym. As we don't make very much money, we can't go away all the time for a break. I mean, we can afford to eat meat twice a week. As I'm allergic to eggs, my main source of protein is black beans, every day, lunch and supper.

None of this is new to me, I've been doing this for 5 years. It has its rewards, for sure. But sometimes the 'dark clouds' block out the sunlight. Sometimes I wonder if there is even any sun above the clouds. This latest assignment has been a lot tougher than we (hubby and I) thought it would be. We feel so isolated from the rest of the world. We are fortunate to have each other but wonder how long we can keep this up. And then there's the feeling of failure if we give up our assignment.

The stresses and worries of life, which I think of as dark clouds, are always around us. Some days they seem to take over the sky and block out the sun. I need to focus on the sun above the clouds and not let the clouds undermine my motivation to be a healthy and fit person.