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JILLYBEAN25
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Rough

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Well, my grandmother passed away yesterday afternoon-ish. She went peacefully in her bed while my dad was at work. That was actually what she wanted. She didn’t want my dad to be there, to have to watch that happen. It’s been a little unusual for me to process. She’s the first person to pass away that I wasn’t surprised. She had been slowly declining in health for some time. Her dementia had been getting worse. She was totally dependent on my dad for basic needs. When I was picking up my Rx’s last week and hanging out with my dad, he had told me he was pretty sure the end was coming. Her frailty was increasing and the things she was saying, whether lucid or not, were leading him to believe it was so. Sure enough, two weeks later, she’s gone.

I’m sad she’s gone, of course. The lack of surprise is making things a little difficult to process. For me the shock factor and the grief have always been tied together. It feels strange to be missing an element. I’m also sad for my dad. He has no parents left alive. I know this part is just as hard on him as taking care of her for the last few years has been. And I’m not sure what is going to happen to my family/household dynamic now. My parents are separated, but mom lives here in my dad’s house. Things are going to change and I’m not sure what that will mean.

On the same day, at almost the same time as these events, we finally got the car inspected as per the request of insurance agencies. As predicted, the cost to repair the car will exceed the car's value. Duh. And, just to take it a step further, the car isn't safe to drive. Which I have been driving. And as it's our only car here at the house, I'm probably going to keep driving because I have to get to school somehow.

In the meantime, I have a chemistry test tomorrow to get through and an anatomy/physiology exam on Tuesday. I also have a wedding to attend this weekend. Things should slow down a little bit after that, hopefully.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MEWHENRYSMAMA
    Oh, Jill, I just read this! My sincere condolences to you and your Dad!
    I am sure she is at peace, especially if she was dealing with the nightmare of dementia!
    My DH father passed a few weeks ago! He, too, had dementia...had a stroke about 9 years ago and it was coming. Very sad, but it is important to see a cycle of life happen, as that is what it's about!
    Thinking of you.
    Love,
    Mary
    2379 days ago
  • LUST4LIFE15
    Sorry to hear about your grams passing.....I hope she lived a wonderful life,and sounds like her last moments were filled with family and love. Grief is a strange thing, yesterday was crying over an omelet was making because reminded me of all the awesome stuff my poor dead brother used to make in the kitchen on or on the grill.. Don't hold those feelings back....it's better to let it go.

    I'm on my way back home to family to celebrate my grams 90th birthday next weekend! I seriously hate flying but afraid my grams isn't going to be around much longer. The family has just placed her in an assisted living home. It just makes me want to take the best possible care of my body so it's still in pretty good condition when I reach 90.
    2391 days ago
  • SMILINGTREE
    Grief is hard no matter what, but you're right: when it's mixed with feelings of relief it's tough to tell just exactly how you feel.

    Studying is probably next to impossible right now because the grief, mixed with the worry about what will happen with your family equals a ton of stress.

    Take care of yourself. That's a much more difficult task than it seems at such a time!

    And remember, lots of people care about you.
    2393 days ago
  • RSTM99
    Wow - that's a lot to take in. Take care of yourself while you process and deal with the next steps. Sorry for your loss of a loved one, never easy, even if your expecting it. :(
    2393 days ago
  • LADYSHERRY
    I am sorry for your loss. Try to see this as an ending. It is like other endings no matter how they come. I know how hard it is when we face the unknown. Trust that everything will be as it's supposed to. There's so much I can say. I guess it's the caregiver/therapist side coming out. Try to stay safe with the car and good luck on the exams
    Sherry

    emoticon
    2393 days ago
  • SLIMMERJESSE
    Very sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
    2394 days ago
  • DSHONEYC
    emoticon Thinking of you on the loss of your Grandma. So much going on for you right now, and I hate to think of you driving an unsafe car. Praying that "all things work together for your good"....
    2394 days ago
  • ARUNNINGKAT
    Oh Jill! I am so very sorry about your grandma! I wondered what was wrong after I saw your dinner photo last night, but didn't want to ask. Hang in there! Sending you lots of love! emoticon emoticon
    2394 days ago
  • LIPISONO
    Sorry for your loss! Sending lots of good thoughts your way to help your family cope in this difficult time. emoticon
    2394 days ago
  • BEFIT_WITHGUSTO
    I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Sending you lots of hugs!
    2394 days ago
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