This morning as I did the recumbent bike while doing my reading before work it git into what they call the feedback loop, as it turned out today was an excellent day for me to read that, lol
The feedback loop is what we let continue, or enforce and this is where those nasty little habits can cause so much difficulty, it is so easy when we run into it on a constant basis, we may not dwell but one you have that feedback loop installed ( by continuous repetition of anything, good or bad) it only takes seconds to run through hours of your internal program, many times it can cause you to remember something that happened 7 years ago in great emotional detail.
Today, seems like work is such a wonderful place to work with this ( home too but I get into that later) I have noticed some of my feedback loops, well most of them are very unpleasant , never really feeling like I am a part of anything there but others hostility, I took the challenge today to create different feedback loops, for instance, I have been rotated backwards at the presses , which is not how it should be, today I get rotated forward only to keep me on the harder presses, I noticed my loop right away , it took a little time but I got it under control and every time something new happened , which is often, I reminded myself that I wanted a different feedback loop ( I understand this is at many places and I have worked many places but nothing like this one, and have heard that from many others that have also had plenty of jobs) so installing a more productive feedback loop, I reminded myself that I am tough enough to handle this, I workout 5 days a week including weights and my body can hold up well,and I am not as sore as others due to their lack of exercise, ( not muscular but toned under my insulation
) , then I noticed that someone was sending pictures around, which again reminded me just how much I don't fit in there ( been there 12 years , no wonder my feedback loop is so loopy, lol) I did not get the pictures because many do not have my #, one acted like she was a wonderful friend and then invited everyone there to her daughters wedding but me and some of the new people, which opened me up to another feedback loop I am working to change.
I was successful at creating a wonderful start at changing my feedback loops, then I got home , well one my son totaled my car awhile back and the truck he drives has the transmission going out, ( he was not suppose to have my car where it was so I know he was lying to me on a reg basis) he picked me up from work and we got home and I asked him if my nephew said anything about leaving (his mom , my sister kicked him out, his grandmother kicked him out and I am about to, 26 yrs old and hoards money and offers no help and ignores you when you talk about it) when I saw his stuff I asked and then my son got mad, ( I am minus 113.00 in my acount make less than 300 a week and have over 200 going out a week) so this is another loop I am ready to deal with and the feeback loop, that makes me feel like a terrible person for getting mad.
wow this has been a long one, lots a loops, but I am facing each one of them, the cause and effect behind them and so on, I may feel mad at some but this is keeping my open to the instaklled feedback loops that are under reconstruction.